Eau Is Me: How to Smell Like Celebrities

Eau is Me is a weekly perfume column, introducing you to new and old scents by pairing them with songs, foods, and even fashion. Colleen Williams has been writing and obsessing about fragrance for years now, and wants you to obsess about it too.

Celebrity fragrances are a dime a dozen these days. Most perfume industry people will wax poetic on the blockbuster intensity of J.Lo’s “Glow,” because it truly was a mindblowing record-breaker. It knocked celebrity perfume out of the ballpark – first and foremost because the marketing behind it was genius, and secondly (and quietly) because it actually is a pleasant scent. But most since have not been so lucky, although they have been lucrative. Nothing says “Merry Christimas, teenager” like a bottle of Britney Spears’ Circus under the tree. But do you really want to say your signature scent is that of a celeb? “Oh this? I’m wearing Celine. Celine Dion.” You’d feel like a wanker.

With the exception of Sarah Jessica Parker, most celebrity perfumes are in name only – they don’t normally help with the chemical construct that becomes their trademark stench. SJP actually had her thumb in every pie, from start to finish. Others, not so much. Here’s a few of the latest releases in the past year:

KAT VON D SAINT & SINNER

I am a leetle bit in love with Kat Von D, namely because she’s like the circus coming to town, but a really exotic, pretty-faced kind of circus. She’s no lady with a beard. She’s also the kind of ridiculous and outrageous reality star who has a brain, which I appreciate in my pop culture. Enough about that, though- the point is she created two scents for Sephora, and they are pretty standard girl smells. Saint is terribly sweet, like a marshmallow explosion on your wrist, due to the vanilla/caramel notes deepened with a base of musk. Sinner is a little bit more my speed – dark and complicated with notes of vetiver, cinnamon, and jasmine. They definitely hit yin and yang on the head – Saint is girly, Sinner is vixeny. Probably the most successful sampling of the few this week.

Kat Von D’s Saint and Sinner are available exclusively at Sephora; $55 for 1.7oz.

FAITH HILL PARFUMS

Faith Hill, bankable & lovable country star who oozes Americana, released her fragrance in October 2009. Since then, the bottle has been selling pretty steadily, so the latest progression will be a travel vial in pink steel. With the first spritz, I was instantly transported to 7th grade. Ms. Hill’s eponymous scent smells like 7th grade P.E. – the original scent of Secret Solid. At least you smell… deodorized, right? It dries down to a pleasant, cottony scent. Overall, sweet but nothing spectacular.

Faith Hill is available at Kohl’s; $31 for 1.7oz, $24 for 1.0oz. Travel size coming soon.

HALLE BERRY PURE ORCHID

Halle Berry’s Pure Orchid is described as voluptuous, desirous, and feminine. With notes of jungle cactus flower, lemon, blackberry creme, star anise, masdevallia orchid, giant sequoia and patchouli, it actually is a bit tartish. Do not be concerned with the idea that this lesser-priced product will fade too quickly – it will stick to your skin like superglue. After the initial spray dissipates, it is not as Cabo-Spring-Breaky, but still not particularly sophisticated. It is the vacation from classy perfumes. Worth a huff if you feel like developing a slutty alter-ego.

Halle Berry Pure Orchid is available at Wal-mart; $26 for 1.0oz, $16 for .5oz.