How To: Deal With a Friend Who Wears Too Much Perfume

Have you ever been on the subway, in a store or on the streets and heard the line, “I haven’t smelled this much perfume since high school?” Well, I have.

I’ve never been one to wear perfume yet I always envied the girls who had “a scent”. So, I’ve tried a couple out. First it was Pink Sugar which was a mistake. Then it was Princess by Vera Wang, also, a mistake. Then, my last attempt at having “a scent” was Burberry Brit. To Burberry’s defense, I actually liked their perfume but got lazy and forgot to put it on all the time and then it just got stashed in the bottom of my vanity drawer never to be seen or worn again.

But, my friend is a different story.

She has a scent (I cannot name it because if I do, she will never forgive me) which can be smelled from miles away. I lived with her once and am now immune to the smell of her perfume. But unfortunately for the rest of you, you guys are not safe. Unlike most normal people who spritz the air and then walk through the misty fragrance (like you are suppose to) my friend sprays fifty (on a good day) spritz’s directly onto her body.

It doesn’t end there.

Just in case the fifty (or more) spritz’s fade away, she has a roller ball of the same perfume on her at all times that she applies when she’s in class, on the streets or in a bar. To her defense, most guys she meets adore the smell of her perfume, and most girls ask her which perfume she uses. In the former case, she always lies and gives the name of a similar perfume.

I love her nonetheless, and accept her for this idiosyncracy of hers. Because after all, we all do crazy things (or have friends who do).

So, here are my tips on how to deal with a friend like this:

1. Outdo them. This takes time, patience and a little bit of self-sacrifice but giving them a taste of their own medicine will be worth it. They’ll notice the overdose of smell immediately and hopefully have a moment of self realization. Hopefully.

2. Nose-plugs. This worked for the first month of living with my friend. You can buy them at all local drug-store and the only downside is having to breath through your mouth for a little.

3. Aversion Therapy. Thanks to a Psychology class, I can use this technique to help my friend get over her addiction. First, take the perfume and spray it on something that reminds her of something unpleasant. Say, rotten fish. This helps because every time she smells the perfume she will think of the rotten fish and therefore, give up on the perfume. However, if she’s a true addict, she will find another perfume and you will probably have to go back to steps number 1 and 2 or continue onto step 4.

4. Acceptance. This is my last and final tip. If none of the above steps work, give up. Accept your friend for the crazy perfume-wearing girl she is and just be grateful that her addiction is with perfume and not, let’s say, cocaine (although that doesn’t smell).