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Of all the things guys say to me in bars, “what do your tattoos mean?” is but a few steps up from “what’s your sign?”, neck and neck with “my friend over there wants to know if you think I’m cute” and miles below even the middling “do you like The Smiths?” This is not because I hate talking about myself (um, duh) or conversing with strange men (actually I mostly do, but let’s pretend), but because it’s a super annoying question. When you ask what my tattoos mean (as in, all my tattoos), you are basically asking me to take you on a guided tour of my entire body, which is kind of an imposition on anyone, but especially someone you don’t know very well who, by virtue of being female and unchaperoned, is already feeling slightly wary of anyone who might come off as even having the potential to be creepy. Do I have tattoos where you can’t see them? You bet I do. Am I going to show them to you or even intimate that they exist? Not unless I want to sleep with you, which I most certainly will not wish to do after you’ve asked me a question like that. (I’m currently in a monogamous relationship, but it’s fun to speak hypothetically.)
Actually, let’s back up a little. I realize not everyone who asks this question is trying to be creepy; some have just taken the wrong messages from the media. While they’ve been helpful in normalizing tattoos to people who don’t have them, TV shows like Miami Ink have also given people skewed perceptions of how much tattoos mean to people and how openly they’re willing to talk about them. The truth is that not every tattoo has an explicit meaning. In fact, most of the tattoos I have, I got for one very simple reason: I liked the way they looked, tried them on for size, liked how they looked on my body, and wanted to make them permanent. Those flowery things on my left arm? They signify “flowers.” And those colorful, bird-like things on my right arm? They signify “birds.” Fascinating, I know.
Why is a person aesthetically attracted to one image over another? Why did I choose birds and not a pirate ship, a giraffe, or a naked she-demon with six flaming skulls for heads? Well, why do you like the art that you like? You can probably give a decent explanation, but at a certain point you have to admit you just dig it, man, for deep, Freudian, subconscious reasons that probably go back to childhood. Would you like to analyze my childhood? Let me get the photo album. Just kidding, it’s at my mom’s house. And why did I choose to put the art on my body instead of on a wall? Do I belong to a subculture that’s brainwashed me into thinking tattoos are beautiful? Basically, the answers to all these questions are simultaneously too short and too long, and will make me feel like an asshole either way.
Conversely, some tattoos do mean things to people. Let’s do a thought experiment and say that my birds do not just represent birds, but four family members who’ve died of cancer. It’s kind of painful for me to talk about, but I will try to summon the courage, right here in this bar, on my night off, just for you, stranger. Maybe I’ll cry a little bit. You will feel so much closer to me afterwards. Do you see where I’m going with this?
I actually do have one tattoo that means something beyond “here is a work of art that I like enough to want permanently etched on my skin.” It’s a tray of toast and tea, and it’s a bro tattoo I have with my friend Jess, because we like to eat breakfast foods and drink tea together. It’s kind of our special time to catch up on everything that’s been happening in each other’s lives.
I actually don’t mind talking about this tattoo, but you have no way of knowing that before you ask, do you? Or maybe I’ve overstated my case a bit and it’s okay to ask about one specific tattoo (choose wisely!), but if the person says something like “it’s personal” or “it’s a long story,” you shouldn’t push.
This is not to say that it’s never okay to comment on someone’s tattoos. After all, they are out there on that person’s flesh for all the world to see. I think a good rule of thumb is to treat them as you would any other aspect of a person’s style: hair, clothes, accessories, etc. Would you assume there’s a deeply personal meaning behind someone’s blonde bob? Here are some okay things to say:
“I like your tattoos, they’re so pretty.” Thanks!
“Who did those birds on you?” Jess Versus at 1228, she’s the best!
“What does that little tea tray mean?” Friend love forever!
Here are some dumb things to say/do:
“Did those hurt?” No, having twenty needles in my arm felt like a massage.
“What is your tattoo of?” If you’re unable to decipher this figurative drawing I’ve commissioned, I want my money back.
“How much did they cost?” How much money do you make?
“What are you going to do when you get married?” Wear a white dress? Drink champagne? Get lifted up in a chair by my relatives? How is this question relevant at all?
“What are you going to do when you’re old?” Be an awesome old lady with great stories to tell, hopefully. And saggy, colorful body art to distract from my leaking colostomy bag.
[stranger touches my person without asking (yes, people actually do this)] [I start digging around in my purse for pepper spray]
Are you starting to pick up what I’m throwing down? Basically, use common sense and don’t be a jerk. Far be it from me, a rock and roll degenerate, to tout the importance of proper etiquette, but some social codes exist for a reason, and a little bit of thoughtfulness goes a long way.
I’ve just got to ask… what lipstick are you wearing in the cover photo of your post? It looks great!
they mean you are a moron, and you really really really like birds and flowers, and you look just like all the other idiots who are all done up with almost identical crap. fail.
Jeez, give me a freaking break. Who cares what your tattoos mean. By putting them on your body in the first place, you should expect comments about them. I have a ton of tattoos and I could care less when someone asks me what they mean. If you put a tat on your bod, people are going to be curious and look at them. If you don’t want comments about them, then put them on your ass where no one can see them except those you choose to.
if you say the words “tat” and “bod” you shouldnt be allowed to talk about this subject. you probably like tribal and other types of bullshit.
O.K. I can see your point in this article, but overall you are just kind of being a self-righteous bitch. If a dude is being creepy, of course you have a right to offended. But if someone is just interested a tattoo of yours, why automatically be so mean? Some people might be aesthetically attracted to them, and as you say, why ask why? Asking what they mean might just be they way they are trying to show they are interested. Who cares?
you could take off your members-only jacket and be nice.
I’m a guy and I get this all the time too. I agree that it can get annoying, but to be expected to some degree. It’s all in how one goes about asking. I think the people who presume tattoos must have some profound meaning are those who suffer from a certain cognitive dissonance, whereby they just can’t fathom why anyone would get something tattooed into their body permanently without it having some really important meaning. Yes, this is reinforced by the TV shows. It’s also reinforced by the fact that most of these folks probably just do not know anyone personally who has a lot of tattoos, so they don’t know what to think.
Those of us who are heavily tattooed just have a totally different attitude about it. There will always be those who just don’t understand where we’re coming from. They are the ones who should not get tattooed. It’s not for everyone and that’s fine. Just try not to prejudge those who are tattooed.
you pretty girl, youre doing it right jajaja that’s just what i think when s/b ask me ’bout my tattoos, nice tattoos, nice article :) thumbs up!
No problem, we all know what they mean any way:
You’re easy, you uglied yourself up, and you easily follow shallow trends.
suck a dick. and just how exactly is tattooing a shallow trend? 140 years of tattooing in the U.S. is shallow? Fucking idiot.
Whilst people like you make judgement on people who have tattoos, tattooed paople are not judging you for deciding NOT to have them….
I don’t even know where to start on your ignorance, so I won’t, but I think assholes like you should be exterminated from the Earth. You are obviously the shallow one if you judge someone upon a skin-deep basis. Fuck you and your boring, artless body.
People can’t seem to tell the difference between “notice” and “use as a potentially inappropriate talking point.”
It’s not that we don’t want people to comment on our tattoos or notice them… it’s just that it’s not always an appropriate or reasonable thing to say at the time.
I think someone mentioned cleavage above? Sure, we expect you to notice cleavage, but going up to someone and using it as an ice breaker isn’t appropriate.
Same deal.
You got the tattoo to get comments. So, shhh.
People generally get tattoos for themselves NOT OTHERS!!!! SO SSSHHHHH
Last tattoo I got for someone else was a matching one with my mother. Before that, one for my dead grandmother and before that, my dead grandfather. I’ve never gotten a tattoo so some creep could hit on me or some stranger on the bus touch me.
All the complaining women with tattoos have to put this into perspective. Imagine you being a HUGE animal lover. And that you love dogs more than any other animal. And of all dogs you love German Shepherds. And you love them so much you bought 20 of them and dedicated your entire life to them and built them a stadium-sized grassy back yard complete with 24-hour automated frisbee and tennis ball launchers, back and belly scratchers and an endless supply of gourmet dog food.
Then you find a very attractive by walking by with a tattoo on his forehead that says “I love German Shepherds”, would you mention anything about his tattoo? Men feel the same way about all tattoos.
Um, guess what Sparky? You don’t speak for all men, only yourself.
I have some script right under my collar bone, and I have had strangers come up to me and move my top over so they can read it. It’s really strange and kind of creepy. If people asked me what my tattoo said, I’d gladly tell them. They don’t need to physically touch a stranger without permission.
Agreed on all of this. I have no tattoos, but I have a very visible scar across my collar bone from a surgery to remove a cancerous tumor. People who have known me for two hours at bars or parties love to ask me “what happened to your neck”, as though having to explain having cancer will enhance the good time I’m having with these total strangers. *Eyeroll*
Then Quit Showing Them Off In Public You Dumb Bitch! People Are Visual! You Are Pushing Them In Our FACE!!! Have Some Common Sense Or AT LEAST SOME FUCKING MANNERS!
P.S. Nice Tats.
wow, you’re an asshole. are you 15? i hope you’re not any older than that. your english teachers didn’t teach you shit, if that’s the case.
Um, I’m sorry … what? Would you grab someone by the hair because you like their hair colour? No. Well, then why is it “okay” to grab someone with a sleeve by their arm? I don’t know you, nor do I want to be touched by you. Go away, you small little man, nobody is pushing their tattoos in your face any more than you are pushing the World of Warcraft tshirt you’re probably wearing in theirs.
Actually more annoying then stupid questions or random strangers thinking its ok to touch you or pull your clothing is the folks that then want to tell you all about there/there boyfriend’s/ ex boyfriend’s/brother’s/sister’s/college roommate’s tattoos and the meanings. Geez a pink star for your niece! What makes you think i give a fuck?
Precisely. Touching other people uninvited is NEVER okay.
Unsolicited “CHECK OUT MY TATTOO THIS IS WHAT IT MEANS!” is equally as repulsive, except in that case you now have to spend time trying to eek out of that situation without looking like a dick.
I don’t understand you women sometimes. Its like when you go out wearing that mini-skirt well above your thigh or top that shows just enough cleavage for you nipple not to fall out, then you get mad when folks stare(mainly guys). Its like being a celebrity. Yes you get the fame and fortune, but it comes at a price…your privacy and extra attention.
When you advertise(extend yourself) you have to understand you’re gonna get the attention of your target audience and that audience you don’t expect. Let me just say, men love to look at and fantasize about women(I hope you know this). We’re wired to be attracted to you. If you have something else to notice, hence a tattoo, we’re gonna be just that more attracted to what you are.
Now let me say, I don’t condone folks(man or another women) touching you without permission. I think that’s over stepping your boundaries…even if you’re wearing that mini-skirt with the low cut top. Lol.
I’m just sayin’.
Well, that’s two steps away from blaming the victim.
We like to have our cake and eat it, too.
stop whining! sheesh!
One of my best friends got these really detailed wings on her back like right when she turned 18, hers do have a (personal) meaning having to do with asecond chance at life, that she doesnt like to talk about.
But the question that she hates the most, that she gets every summer or when ever she wears a backless shirt is, “Can I touch them? What do they feel like?”
The answer is SKIN! They feel like skin! and NO! you cant touch them!
If I ever get a tattoo, it’s going to be of a naked she-demon with six flaming skulls for heads.
I came across this on Pinterest and thought of this article. It’s just a joke so no one get bent out of shape ok… ;)
http://www.newlookhouston.com/blog/2010/04/22/tattoo-decision-making-flowchart/
Jamie, whoever did those ones, in the first two photo, is a really great artist. I don’t have any, but I do have a knife wound. Yeah, not as sexy.
The flowers are by Elio at Fly Rite, who is retired now. The birds are by Jess Versus at 1228 tattoo. Both custom work. :)