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As a shy and socially awkward fourteen-year-old who had never been employed before, I applied to be a bus-girl at a local restaurant and, to my surprise, they actually hired me. I was really nervous, so I showed up 45 minutes early to my very first day of work. Just in case.
Immediately upon entering the establishment, I was yelled at by a very angry lady who looked like a gypsy and smelled like gin-sweat and cheap cigarettes.
Terrified, bewildered and desperate to make the scary lady happy, I went looking for the kitchen. I found some plates, a tray of lettuce and some croutons. I tried to arrange those items into a salad. I didn’t really know how to make the kind of salads the restaurant made, but apparently I was supposed to know and I didn’t want to look like I was incompetent, so I just tried to improvise.
After making the best salad I possibly could, I brought it out to the gypsy lady.
The gypsy lady stared at me in disgust for a few moments and then ordered me to go chop some tomatoes for sandwiches. I scurried off to the kitchen to try to figure out how to do that in a way that wouldn’t make her any angrier at me.
It turned out that I was pretty okay at chopping tomatoes, so the lady asked me to chop up some cucumbers. And then some parsley. And then bread. A few hours passed in which I was continuously ordered back to the kitchen to chop something or prepare something or pour something. Sometimes I would do a good job and the lady wouldn’t yell, but other times she looked at me like I was the most incompetent worm-person ever to slither across the face of the earth. Then she would slowly erupt into a banshee-like scream and stare into my soul like she was trying to explode it with her eyes.
I felt like crying. I had no idea that jobs were this hard. I didn’t know that I was supposed to know how to do everything on the first day. Was there something I was supposed to read before beginning work? Was I missing some vital employee instinct? How did other people do this? What if I got fired? I felt like an abysmal failure. I couldn’t even put bread on a plate right. How was I going to survive in life if I couldn’t even put bread on a plate correctly? My future was dead to me.
At some point during the day, I was back in the kitchen chopping tomatoes (I was good at tomatoes!) and I was interrupted by a man who I would later learn was the restaurant manager.
For a moment, I felt absolutely sure that I was going to be fired on the spot. I couldn’t do a single thing right. If I tried to please one person, I ended up pissing off a different person. THERE WAS NO POSSIBLE WAY TO WIN.
But then…
..then the pieces started to fall into place.
And indeed there was a mistake. Apparently a new prep cook had been scheduled to start work the same day as me. He didn’t show up for his shift, so when I walked through the door 45 minutes early, the gypsy lady assumed that I was the prep cook who was coming in late.
The misunderstanding was cleared up and I began training for my duties as a bus-girl.
The gypsy lady did not apologize.
revenge is sweet…….it will come >:)
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I was going to buy something from your place of business, but then you capitalized “high” and “quality” for no good reason. Now you have to start over.
ALLIE! You’ve been hiding your work on other sites without publishing them to your blog? Why I oughtta….
Okay. Forgiven. See? Wasn’t that fast?
I have been laughing for two straight days. Please make it stop.
Count on Americans and Australians to be the most racist fuckers out there. Why do I always read the comments section.
Ali,
You are too funny. Your great lil stories save my life Mon-Fri 8a-6p, and also keep me from getting up from my desk and choking someone. Cannot thank you enough!!!
Something very similar happened to me. I was referred by the Employment Division at somewhere, like “Chuck’s Restaurant”, for a high level job like dish scraper. It went a little oddly. The guy kept asking about cooking, and my experience, and I kept saying none in different and positive ways. Finally, he said something about cook, and I corrected him, saying “Oh no, I’m here for the dishwasher’s job.”
He frowned. “What dishwasher’s job?”
“The one you posted at the Employment Division, dummy.” I left off the dummy part, and proudly handed him my reference.
He looked at it. “This is for Sam’s Restaurant, not Chuck’s. They’re right next door.”
Yup. I had seen the sign for the place, pulled in and parked in their common lot, but then walked into the wrong one, never noticing any of their signs or address or anything.
Sounds like when I got a job at Denny’s. The manager was an evil fat woman with bleach blonde hair and enough makeup every day to last a more moderate person a week or two. She yelled about everything. On my second day my trainer was fired for smoking pot in the kitchen, and they figured I was trained enough and told me to take a section and start taking orders. Um… good luck?
Oooh, sounds familiar (minus the pot-smoking trainer). My training there consisted of 15 minutes of “here, read this menu” and then all of a sudden I had a section of 10 tables (middle of the night drunk crowd) and managers/cooks yelling at me for not writing the correct abbreviations for the orders. I walked back to the break room, took off my apron, and walked out the back door…setting off the fire alarm. I ran over to my car and hid behind it until the alarm stopped and then drove away, never to return. Good ol’ Denny’s!
“I didn’t know that I was supposed to know how to do everything on the first day. Was there something I was supposed to read before beginning work? Was I missing some vital employee instinct? How did other people do this? What if I got fired? I felt like an abysmal failure.”
Thank you, yet again, for exactly describing how I feel when I start something new with no instruction!
You are amazing, and I’m totally impressed by your coping skills. There aren’t many 14 year olds who could take over the job of a trained prep chef with no warning and no experience. If you had worked for me, I would have given you a promotion, and let the person who didn’t show up for work be the bus-girl! You are awesome!!!!!!
This brings back all my memories of the hospitality industry. Grad school…how I love you!!!
“The gypsy lady did not apologize.”
They never do….
Haha! This is soooo great! Nice beard work by the way!
Well, I live in Australia and we don’t have gypsies here. Therefore, I have no attachment whatsoever to the cultural history of gypsies.
Ergo, I wholeheartedly support Allie’s use of the word GYPSIES and have decided to use it myself to torture others.
Excellent story!
I am a faithful reader of your blog, and while I tried to enjoy this one, it was seriously hampered by the gratuitous (and incorrect) use of the word ‘gypsy’. You see, Gypsies are a real race people (the Romani people), not a lifestyle or a Halloween costume. As a Romani American, it’s offensive. I’m sure you meant no disrespect, but it would be nice if you could change the word to a less offensive, less ethnically-charged one. If she was a scary lady, why not just say that?
lol, serious? Change the word gypsy because it is too offensive? There are too many races/ethnicities/belief systems/hipster trends for me to even keep track of anymore. You will always offend someone.
“If she was a scary lady, why not just say that?”
Because that’s not nearly as vivid or funny.
I understand your frustration. I am a Hawaiian descendant myself and I often cringe and shudder at way the word “Hawaiian” is thrown about on the most commercialized, touristy junk imaginable. It does nothing but fuel the romanticized misconceptions of a respectable ancient culture.
But I’d like to point out a few things: 1) Language is fluid. It’s alive, and it changes constantly to fit society’s needs and trends. The word “gypsy” (lowercase) is used here to illustrate a concept, quite effectively, because a lot of people associate certain characteristics with it (passionate, strong, mysterious, exotic, etc. to name a few). Indeed, much of the modern use of the word doesn’t have anything to do with real Gypsies at all, except in origin. The current use of the word is distanced by evolution. By using this word, Allie was able to communicate all of these ideas without spelling it out in a lengthy paragraph. Just saying the lady was “scary” doesn’t have nearly the same impact.
Ex: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/Gypsy
2) The way you structured your sentence (“You see, Gypsies are a real race…) it sounds like you think she doesn’t know. She might not, but Allie is a pretty smart girl. She might. And maybe she used it anyway for similar reasons to those above.
3) This is a comedic piece of writing. Comedians satirize lots of things, and sometimes it’s offensive. I’ve learned to accept that, whether it’s making fun of me as a Hawaiian, Caucasian, Asian, American, woman, Millenial, or any number of labels. Like George Sanderson mentioned, it’s nearly impossible to speak without offending someone somewhere.
So, in the interest of creative language use and comedy, I stand behind Allie’s use of the word “gypsy.” Thank you for your comment, as I’m sure it will enlighten at least a few people who don’t know about Gypsies, but your job is to enlighten and comment, not edit her content.
Not to mention she said she “looked like” a gypsy: the stereotypical perception of a gypsy. She was trying to paint a picture in the reader’s mind.
I know this is soooo old, but I just stumbled across it and wanted to say you have every right to be offended, Kali.
@George- ethnicities are not the same as hipster trends, you ass. And it’s not that hard to write or speak without being racist, unless you’re an idiot.
@Jessica- you don’t get to tell someone else that they are wrong to be offended. Even if you are a minority as well. Your argument is EXACTLY the same as: “It’s fine to call people faggot because I don’t literally mean they’re gay, I just mean they’re being… faggoty! It doesn’t mean gay at all!” Except it does.
Way to rationalize racism. You suck as an ally. You need to read this: http://derailingfordummies.com/ You are enabling racism. I guess it makes you feel better, though?
Because “gypsy” sounds funnier to people who don’t take offense to completely unimportant and hardly related word use.
Oh my god, I had a job that started out a lot like that! Kudos for turning such a horrible experience into something so funny.
omg I feel so bad for little!Allie. I just want to pet her little tomato-chopping head!
Awesome lol. im new to these entries but they are awesome! kudos!
I love the way you’ve drawn yourself with little “baby” hair. Like young Marge in The Simpsons only has a short li’l bouffant. Cyoot!
Happy face quickly turns to sad then back to happy! Very emotional story.