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Writer/comedian Kevin Seccia operates the blog How To Beat Up Anything, on which he offers helpful advice on beating up all kinds of different things (as you probably deduced). Usually, his writing is all in good fun. This week, however, he filed something a little more serious: he’s placed a $1000 bounty on the head of Chris Brown, available to the first person who beats up the singer/remorseless, violent homophobe. Seccia explains:
Chris Brown brutally assaulted and threatened to kill a woman. He does not even pretend to be sorry for that fact and shows almost no awareness of what he’s done. For this crime he got probation.
He did not deserve a second chance but he somehow got one. He immediately squandered that chance when he flew into a rage-filled tantrum, broke a window, smashed a room and intimidated dozens of people present at a morning show appearance.
But, that was like months ago, a dreadful person might say. Well then, how about the fact that just the other day he actually referenced the possibility of beating up another woman while hitting on that woman. You know, like a joke. Like the kind a monster would make, in a movie, before killing you.
We especially appreciate that he called out the Grammys, for their genuinely repulsive recent behavior (booking Brown to perform twice, insisting they were the victims in all of this):
Grammy Awards, there is blood on your hands. Not actual blood, of course, like the kind Chris Brown had on his hands after he committed that heinous crime he never paid for, I’m talking about the figurative kind.
Since Brown seems like the litigious/window breaking sort, Seccia expands a bit on the legality of the offer and then parses what he means by “beat up:” “beating him up means at least two solid punches. He looks like the kind of guy you could easily drop with one clean shot, so if he crumples immediately and your next punches misses, don’t worry, it still counts”). Although he has to insist it’s unserious for legal reasons, Seccia adds, “If you were to hit him and then email me video proof of that beating, I would absolutely, one hundred percent guaranteed send you a thousand dollars.”
We’re not normally receptive to matching violence with violence, but any allegiance to reason went out the window when Brown and Rihanna recorded a fucking single together.
(In the interest of full disclosure, Seccia is a friend to TheGloss, but he’s managed to become a successful blogger and published author without any of our help)
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I guess this guy wants an assault charge and/or making terroristic threats, because this basically what he is doing. He better hope Chris doesn’t file charges against him.
Love this. A lot. Don’t care what oversensitive internet people say.
Why is the writer waiting for someone to do it? If he wants Brown beat up, I’m sure finding out where he will be is an easy task in this information age. Go beat him up yourself. And if you are unwilling to do so, then kindly do yourself a favour: stop exposing your spinelessness and shut up.
I hope someone accepts your offer, man from internet! I hate violence but I still want to do it to Chris Brown.
I read the headline and kind of groaned… but the author actually walks the line pretty nicely between being irreverent and taking it very seriously. Hats off.
And fuck Chris Brown, obviously.
Im gonna say it again: leave him alone. chris brown has no remorse and no attempt at publicly shaming him has made a difference. He`s still popular cuz people out there buy his cds and go to his concerts. I find R. Kelly just as vile and for that reason i dont listen to his music. But i dont spend the whole day hating him. I believe in Karma. The uniververse will fix his little red wagon.