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Let me just get this right out of the way: YES, this post is inspired by neighbors that I have right now. Since they are a 45+-year-old man who lives with his 80+-year-old mother and berates her day in and day out, I’m not worried in the slightest that they will read this, so if you were wondering how I could be so brazen as to write about the people that live next door, there’s your answer.
Anyway, it doesn’t matter whether you’re living in a shitty apartment building with 500 other units or a sprawling mansion in Bel Air — shitty neighbors exist everywhere (just remember that someone has to live next door to Lindsay Lohan). Here are some of the worst of their kind:
The Musical Theater Major
The Raver
The Screaming Couple
The Yapping Dog
The Singer Songwriter
The Abusive Son
The Colicky Baby Sorry, it had to be said.
I’m sure you’re looking for the loud-sex havers, but let’s be real: those people pale in comparison to the rest of these types.
How would you like neighbors who watch every move when you are home
and when you are not home steal anything they can see- even rocks off a
rock fence- also a rake your mother gave you before she died-because
she knew you would enjoy it. They watch us all the time. Wish they
would move, I have never known anyone like this before. Crazy people.
How about a neighbor who trespasses, whose children trespass (the one who did with his friend was only 5), and knocks on your kitchen window at 7:30 a.m. to let you personally know he is going on vacation?!!!!!!!!:( After a very tough and strenu
ous move, I gratefully sank down into my kitchen chair in my new kitchen to log on when my neighbor came right up to the kitchen window and started a conversation with me. I can’t wait to get a decent new fence so that he and his son and friends will no longer trespass onto our property or knock on our front door 4 times in one day to retrieve the ball they keep throwing over our fence even though we have a childrens playground at the end of our street!!!u
The neighbors who have the yappy dog that yaps because it is left in the backyard on a chain all winter like it’s a lawnmower except they would take better care of the lawnmower. Why do people keep dogs at all if it is just left behind your property on a chain? Lose it and save yourself the price of dog food. We actually got the dog better living conditions (it is in a chain length fence pen with a dog house inside and a tarp on the top because we kept calling the humane society instead of just on a chain in the wind/rain/snow) so we feel a little better. Still, I would like to spring the dog and put the people in that pen (on chains of course) for the night since it is going to be about 10 degrees tonight.
How about the peekers?The ones that stand back in the shadows thinking you can’t see them and peek through the shades if there closed every time they hear you in your yard
how about a rental house that rents out to a man and wife and after one week 10 other people move in and park their cars in front of everyones elses property?????
I think they forgot the “borrowers”. ” can I use your blow dryer, can opener, printer,etc?” my neighbors may as well borrow the damn apt!
I personally LOVE the loud sex neighbors (sorry had to be said) there is something totally erotic about listening to a woman moan in pleasure
I can relate to the yapping dog. Our neighbors driveway is right outside our bedroom window and guess who’s become our new furry alarm clock? Yep. And its actually not a yapping little lap dog. It’s a good sized, howling, sounds like it should be standing under a full moon hound/mutt. Lovely.
And on our other side is someone you forgot to mention. The neighbor that calls the cops on you for every noise you make and is so ridiculous even the police officer that knocks on your door seems apologetic.
sorry, but the loud sex is the worst – i once had a third-floor neighbor who i could still hear in the basement… the others may be more annoying, but overhearing LS is mortifying as well – makes me feel like a peeping tom of sorts, and i just want it to go away…
as to the yappy dog – i apologize – i hate it too… i work on this issue every day, but it’s a breed trait, so it may be a lost cause…
As soon as you can manage it. Buy the property. In the long run it will be cheaper. You can, then control who lives there or you could use it your self. As for renting. you can say that you are accepting applications and will let them know.
Add trannie hookers to the list. Loud music until 5 a.m and the weirdest people coming in and out of the building.
My neighbor has a 1970s-era muscle car that he revs for about 15 minutes every morning at 7:30am. It rattles our windows and sometimes sets off car alarms on the street. A For Sale sign went up in the window the other day, so my husband and I are considering buying it just so we can get some damn sleep.
The only thing worse than living next door to a musical theatre major? Living with one. Who had a phobia of clean dishes.
mom? is that you?
I suspect my neighbors upstairs train circus elephants. And also are also maybe involved in competitive infant shotput.
So you’re saying that you want to move out to Indiana? Because we’d love to have you!