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It appears that up in Canada, victim-blaming in rape cases is just as popular a sport as it is everywhere else in the world. CNN reports that during the trial of a man who threw a woman into the middle of a dirt road and sexually assaulted her, a Canadian judge said that the attack may have been caused by the victim wearing heels, make-up and a tube top with no bra, and that “sex was in the air” after she had met her attacker at a bar. Because of all that, after finding her rapist guilty, he sentenced him to two years of house arrest, and no jail time.
Rather than give voice to the overwhelming rage I now feel, though, I’m going to try something a little different instead. I’m going to try to rationally, calmly and objectively apply the same logic that’s often used to blame rape victims to other crimes, and see if maybe there’s just some logic that I’m missing! Just for the sake of argument, I’m going to make the victims male:
- Home Robbery: He shouldn’t have decorated his house so attractively — he had nice electronics, expensive furniture and a Persian rug, and he gave the impression that he wanted it stolen by having a window.
- Physical Assault: Let’s look at his history — at the age of 13, he hit his brother. How do we know he’s not lying about throwing the first punch before he was brutally attacked by a group of strangers?
- Mugging: He was leading the mugger on by having a hole in his jeans through which his wallet was visible.
- Online fraud: What did he expect for having so much money in his bank accounts, and taking the risk of using an online banking system?
- Murder: The victim was sending his assailant mixed signals all night — in the end, the murderer thought his victim wanted to die.
I don’t know — maybe it’s just me, but in crimes other than rape, these just sound so absurd. What do you think?
 | Video: The Raveonettes’ ‘Boys Who Rape (Should All Be Destroyed)’ |
 | Party Favors: The Rape Card |
 | Pet Peeve: Sexualization in the Media of Victims of Assault |
I found this after a search for “victim blaming” and “identity theft”. Thank you!!!! Every attitude (and I do mean on the official levels as well as the friendly) I’ve encountered since becoming the victim of ID theft has centered on “what I did wrong”. As if I don’t realize my own mistakes!
The fact is, I did no more wrong than what we used to hear about with rape victims (as you illustrate above). I wasn’t “asking for it”, the measures of carelessness on my part don’t make the person who stole almost $20k from my account NOT A THIEF, either. Had I left my car door unlocked and had my car robbed or stolen outright, it would’ve also meant I’d been foolish. It wouldn’t have meant that the thief wasn’t also guilty. This, however, was exactly what I encountered with both Bank of America and the local police. A concerted effort to see what I had done wrong ending in nothing being done (AT ALL! Not even a police report!) and (false!) accusations that I must’ve just “given my PIN # to” this person. Even after said person hacked me and got a different account number.
Oh, it’s egregious. But thanks for letting me have my say. It’s just so much “Just World Hypothesis” wrapped up in tons of victim blaming and lack of justice. It’s sick.
Thank you Meee for the reply..the link you provided actually spots and exposes many of the malice used by rapists and their supporters to be in the “feel good about your crime” area… http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2009/10/rape-culture-101.html
definitely! There’s a brilliant paragraph (about the tenth or so down) specifically about victim-blaming and sexually assaulted women. I think everybody needs to be educated about rape culture, how it operates, and how people like MH reinforce it.
Honestly, I feel like the author did not try to understand the judge’s logic. I feel like the judge just wanted to remind her that if you start allowing girls to sue people for everything they don’t like in their affairs, courts will be filled with girls complaining about their boyfriends not being loyal to them on the grounds that they were sexually abusing them.
And you and the good judge are obviously happy to provide excuses to justify rape.
Thanks for reinforcing rape culture
For your education: http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2009/10/rape-culture-101.html
It just finally occurred to me to recommend The Mockingbirds, by Daisy Whitney, to everyone here. It’s an excellent piece of young adult fiction that everyone, young, old or in between, could definitely learn something from.
@ salome: “It has ALWAYS been women’s behaviour that we modify or condemn … and if we DO any one of these “don’ts” it’s OUR OWN FAULT when we get raped.”
Rapturous applause!
@ M: “By that logic, … That’s just silly.”
More rapturous applause!
@ salome: “Men should be far more offended than women by this attitude because it suggests that all men are incapable of self-control.”
@ M: “When men do this and use poor arguments to attempt to point the finger and lay blame on the victim, they do a their own sex a diservice an dehumanize them, reducing them to animals without the ability to think and act for themselves as a rational human being.”
I have been saying this for longer than I care to remember — perhaps with more of us saying it, more people will begin to take notice, more lawyers will stop using it as a defence, more god-bothering clerics will realise how moronic their invisible friend is for using such idiotic ‘reasoning’ and more *men* will “have the balls” to be ashamed of trying to use such an argument to escape the consequences of their actions.
@djbon2112: “Because a woman has the power to revoke consent AFTER THE FACT by claiming rape, especially if alcohol was involved. A man does not have that power. Like it or not, sometimes women use a rape charge as revenge for whatever.”
Only in the perfervid imaginations of sad little boys — and from there in novels, in movies and on TV!
@Meeee: “Rape culture also has the idea that if a woman gives consent to one sex act, or has had sex with her boyfriend before, then she’s open game to any subsequent sex acts.”
Exactly, ‘cos, to express it in terms that our free enterprise culture adores, “once she’s been opened for business, any customer may enter.”
@Anna Hilda “C) A woman is raped in Canada. The judge presiding over the trial gives the rapist a lenient sentence because he believes the rapist misread the woman’s appearance and demeanor as inviting sex.”
This is arrant nonsense. In my single days, I used to ‘frock up’ and go out to bars with the possibility in mind of hooking up— but I still had (and still have) the absolute *right* to refuse to speak to, sit with, dance with, become intimate with or otherwise have anything to do with any particular person, and — even if I engage in *any* of these behaviours —no person has the *right* to assume that I am available, unless I have given *explicit* consent at every stage of the proceedings.
And, before you even think it, a person’s buying me a drink (or even ‘drinks’) does not give them a ‘right of access’ to my body.
@ Anna Hilda: “I feel sad for such women, too, Sally, but I don’t consider them rape victims.”
See Telly’s statistics and M’s comment previously referenced. I would say that if a woman claims that she was raped, then she was raped (“Buyer’s remorse” is an excuse that *men* use to cover their guilt).
the religion states to punish the rapist , not the raped , severe punishement as harming one human is equal to harming all humans but corrupted man do not apply religion rules, they use their own corrupted sick intentioned and paint them with religion.. one should do own research ..
Wow. Now that’s a twisted take on religion. Religion is one of the reasons why there is so much hate (and rape) in this world.
Rape culture also has the idea that if a woman gives consent to one sex act, or has had sex with her boyfriend before, then she’s open game to any subsequent sex acts.
So here’s another good one:
Home Break-in/Robbery (e.g. when the owners are away on vacation): well, he was selling goods door-to-door last week and the owners invited him in! Thus, they were giving consent for him to always come in.
By that logic, a woman could talk to a man that perceived her conversation as “flirtation” rather than her intended small talk and be found responsible for her rape, a woman could glance at a man and he could perceive it as a seductive gaze and she could be held responsible for her rape, a woman could wear a Burqa that a man found sexy because of the mystery of what lay underneath it and be found responsible for her rape. The argument is a slippery slope. When men use these arguments, they dehumanize themselves. We as humans are mammalian animals, but we have the ability to use our minds and use logic. We have the ability to see the difference between what is right and what is wrong. When a woman says: “Please stop,” “Don’t hurt me,” “I don’t want to have sex with you,” or just plain “NO!” OR if a woman is asleep, passed-out, or in some other state of consciousness where she cannot give consent; we, as human beings, should be able to think: “She can’t tell me if she wants to have sex.” OR “She said she didn’t want to have sex.” Which would, oridinarily, lead a rational human being to the conclusion that having sex is not something that should happen in that instance. If an individual chooses to ignore the aforementioned situations and proceed with the sex then that is Rape and any attempts to justify it afterward are inherently illogical and wrong. The only common denominators of all rapes are the fact that a man wants sex and the woman has an oriface he wants to use which she doesn’t want him to use. It’s selfish, it’s wrong, and extremely harmful to the victim in every instance. When men do this and use poor arguments to attempt to point the finger and lay blame on the victim, they do a their own sex a diservice an dehumanize them, reducing them to animals without the ability to think and act for themselves as a rational human being. By their arguments, a woman can do nothing to prevent rape from occurring, any man could be overcome by lust and instinct, which would mean that all men are criminals waiting to happen. Perhaps we should tell them to avoid women at all costs to ensure that they never rape anyone, because they may never know when lust may takeover their brains? That’s just silly.
@djbon2112: “Because a woman has the power to revoke consent AFTER THE FACT by claiming rape, especially if alcohol was involved. A man does not have that power. Like it or not, sometimes women use a rape charge as revenge for whatever.”
The issue of “consent” does explain why “blame the victim” is used in rape cases. If I break into someone’s house and steal their stuff, I can’t claim the owner gave me consent. But why should I go to jail for rape if my lawyer can twist things around so the jury (or judge) believes I thought she gave consent? If I’m the kind of guy who thinks “no” means “try harder”, or that “no” isn’t an option if I’m horny, I will have no problem using this kind of defense. Hopefully, I’ll get my case tried by a moron who believes women are “asking for it” by virtue of having vaginas.
I bought that Mustang right after I graduated college. I spent years fine-tuning everything in it. I painted it, really tricked it out. That was a beautiful car. I even took it to a car show, once. Parked it on the grass, went over and said hey to some of the other car owners. Someone brought a keg, and we were getting a little bit drunk, and I bragged about it a little bit. “She’s a really great ride, I’ve had her for years. Never shared her with anyone, either. Couple of friends wanted to take her for a spin, but I don’t want to get any dings on that baby.” and then Billy, Billy sitting next to me-I don’t know his last name, he just said he was Billy-Billy took my keys, and I told him not to, and I tried to fight him for them, but he’d had his eye on my car all night long, he said, and tricking it out and driving it down in the middle of all these other sweet cars was just teasing him. See, Billy didn’t have a car of his own-he had a couple friends that would loan him their ride, but he didn’t have one of his very own, and he yelled about how unfair it was, and how I had mine all shined up, and then he stole it. I went to the police, but they said that dangling a nice car in front of Billy like that was provoking him, that everyone knew Billy was bitter about not having a car. They said that when I drove it to the car show…the car show, of all places, and in a park, there were people around! that I was just asking for it to be stolen by a perfect stranger, by some man who grabbed the keys and didn’t listen to me. So my souped-up mustang, something I’ve loved for years, spent so much attention on, is gone, just like that.
I’m female. I like dressing up. I like feeling female, when I want to-for everyday stuff, I’ll wear a baggy t-shirt, but if I’m going out to have a drink or two, I might dress up a little, because I like dressing up, because it’s fun. I’m a girly-girl. Dresses and skirts are comfy and cute, and I like looking in a mirror and being happy with what I see. Should I have covered my Mustang in mud, before I went to the car show? But all the other cars out there, plenty of other women who dress up, and all those cars are shined up. No, I shouldn’t have had a drink. I wouldn’t have been sitting next to Billy if I wasn’t having a drink, Billy wouldn’t have seen my keys and grabbed them, wouldn’t have grabbed my arm and pulled me to his car, telling me how much fun we’d have. I should have known that Billy didn’t have a girlfriend, that Billy was a guy that liked to be in charge, that all Billy had was a couple of cars that he borrowed sometimes, and returned them banged up and covered in dust. I should have locked myself in my house, locked the garage door over that cherry-red mustang and never let it see the light of day. The only person I can let anywhere near it is me. I should have painted it puke-green with orange stripes and let it rust before I took it anywhere. I shouldn’t have gone to a place with dozens of other people and parked my car and relaxed, I should have been scanning everyone’s face to see if they wanted to steal that beautiful baby of mine. Nobody is worth trusting. Life is hardly worth living, without someone to trust. I should just wreck the car now, and save Billy the trouble. But a car can be gotten back. Rape is irreversible.
I really like this.
I don’t see why can’t we compare theft or hate crimes to raping? Raping is many times worse than any theft, but in many examples the idea is the same.
Even if you leave your cardoor open and it gets stolen, it is very unlikely that the judge will say to the thief that “Oh, it was open? Well, in that case, you can go, just don’t do it again.” No, (s)he most likely will say “What does it matter that it was open, it was not yours so you should not have taken it. You will have the punishment.”
Why is it different in rape? Even if the door is open, the area is bad and you know you take a huge risk by drinking alone in a strange bar and flirting with men, wearing nothing, nobody should have the right to do as they please with you.
And in hate crimes, even if you wear anything, provoke with words, but do not hit or start the physical fight, it is not accetable to assault them (and even if they did, you have to remain in selfdefence). They may think that the other person provoked them some, but the one that hit will still get the punishment, most likely without any lightement in the punishment.
And while we are at it, how is sexyness judged? It is a revealing top and short skirt? What about in men? I have seen many men walking around without a shirt in shorst only in hot summer weather, that’s lot less than most women wear. If someone would rape them, do you think the judge would say that the sex was in the air? I doub not.
reading these comments really make me feel many have no understanding of what they are talking about. rape is no close to steeling, cheating, murdering…it s an ongoing murder where the victim is brought back rhen murdered then back then..it regenerates itself every moment..those emotions during the rape stick and live inside with every breath they refresh like injecting an incurable virus or some kind of terible bacteria. the crime is not finish after the injection but it just started and become more horible with the time while other crimes can be healed with time and a victim at least can speak up and feel some compassion from others, but rape usually seel the mouth and build a thick wall to isolate the person even from the closest and the dearest..for fear that they will find out it s not yet over but worse is if it s a secret and so many are silent, they are the majority, especially if it s people who we know, if it s first contact with man, or extended over a period of time then degree of sufering is exponential accordingly…and for those who speculate on cases that goes to the court,..i say, think of the message your sending to the silent majority, when the very few who wants a bit of releif they are exposed to your tongue finding every default exposed yet or not…there is no reason for rape at all even if the wommen is wearring a burka she can be the subject of rape, or you ll say she atrated the wild curiousity..those who are silent they die every moment inside alone and can t even tel themselves what happened, not even say this word: rape in there own mind, tthey have to deny it so can look ok and not cause devastation to the life of the dear and loved ones, so how can they even say it outloud let alone to be questioned and expose their intimacy publicly?!! think again!!
I think I’ve heard victim blaming for robbery, identity-theft type stuff. Other than the murder charge, I could imagine someone (stupid) saying all of these. Of course, I don’t advocate rape victim blaming, I just think that victim blaming is not all that rare.
Tax evasion! Seriously, I’m pretty sure that the government IS asking to get ripped off. Look at how they dangle their low taxes in the faces of the wealthy… they WANT the poor and middle-class to try and hide their own incomes as well. They’re kind of asking for it.
My favourite quote of all times:
“If I told them that my house was broken into not one person would question me, blame me or say that I am lying, but when I say that my body was broken into people automatically feel that they have the right to judge me, doubt me, and blame me.” by Panayiota Bertzikis Coast Guard rape survivor and Founder of Military Rape Crisis Center.
http://speier.house.gov/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=9:rapes-of-women-in-military-a-national-disgrace&catid=13:op-eds&Itemid=17
@ Anna Hilda
“…I know women who drink precisely to lower their inhibitions and get laid (not for nothing do some people call booze “liquid courage”). Are they all being raped and don’t know it?”
I feel sad for such women, Anna Hilda.
I feel *disgusted* at a society where such a subterfuge is necessary as an excuse for women, and acceptable as an excuse for men.
And, in answer to your next question, I have never had a sexual encounter where I wasn’t in control of my faculties – if I had, I might be tempted to call it ‘rape.’
I feel sad for such women, too, Sally, but I don’t consider them rape victims.
@djbon2112: I don’t know why I am even answering an obvious mysoginistic troll, but just to be clear – if alcohol was involved, whatever consent a woman might have given, doesn’t count, because her judgement were impaired! There is a reason why people shouldn’t drive while drunk, and why withdrawing consent afterwards is perfectly valid – because the sober party should have known better than to use the situation to their advantage. And guess what, idiot? If the man is the drunk one and the woman is the sober one, it means she raped him and he has the power to revoke his dubious to begin with consent.
El, your drunk driving analogy sucks. You know why? Because if you drive drunk you don’t get let off the hook because your judgment was impaired. Indeed, you get in trouble because you did something to impair your judgment before getting behind the wheel.
I think rape is a terrible and inexcusable crime, but I don’t think that any sex in which alcohol is involved is ipso facto rape. I don’t know about you, but I know women who drink precisely to lower their inhibitions and get laid (not for nothing do some people call booze “liquid courage”). Are they all being raped and don’t know it?
can i just point out the obvious?
it’s one thing to say “you were raped because you were looking sexy.”. that implies guilt, which most people would agree is wrong.
it’s another thing to say “you were raped because you made a bad decision, namely getting into a car with a drunk stranger while looking incredibly sexy.”. that doesn’t imply guilt, it implies bad judgment.
i don’t think that the bad judgment inherent in that kind of behaviour negates the guilt of the rapist. the rapist should not receive a weaker sentence; no means no and rape is rape. so, the rapist was bad and should be punished…
….but that doesn’t stop the assault that already occurred. the data is pretty clear about the failure of negative incentives in reducing crime.
the way to reduce crime is to get women to stop making bad decisions. i’ll bet you this woman will never get into a car with a stranger she met at the bar again. she shouldn’t have ever done that in the first place.
we’ve been trying the modify-men’s-behaviour approach for a while and it doesn’t work. so, we need women to modify their behaviour.
that’s not fair, that’s life.
She didn’t get into a car with the person she was walking down the street.
“We’ve been trying the modify-men’s-behaviour approach for a whileand it doesn’t work.”
WHEN did we try that? ’cause I must have missed it. It has ALWAYS been women’s behaviour that we modify or condemn. Don’t look too sexy, don’t drink, don’t forget to keep your eyes on your drink the whole time (even though you’re not supposed to be drinking), don’t talk to strangers, don’t take rides home, don’t go out alone, don’t walk home from work alone, don’t forget to lock every door and window even when it’s 35 C outside and you don’t have AC, don’t raise your voice, don’t be too aggressive, don’t draw attention to yourself, don’t have sex with anyone, blah blah blah…and if we DO any one of these “don’ts” it’s OUR OWN FAULT when we get raped. When have we ever, as a society, said don’t rape (until now)?
Women don’t get raped because of bad decisions they make. The rapist made the bad and criminal decision to assualt her. END OF STORY. The scenarios you described are not even the typical of ones where women are assaulted. Women get assaulted by men they know and trust, in situations any normal person wouldn’t think they were in any danger. Not many women get into cars with complete strangers while drunk. But it would still be the rapists fault in that scenario, not the woman’s.
Why can’t men modify their behavior? Do you think all men will commit rape if they could get away with it? That’s insulting and sexist to men.
Victims have been through enough trauma without people like you with no heart or conscience adding to it.
@djbon2112
“However we dress
Wherever we go
‘Yes’ means ‘yes’
And ‘no’ means ‘no.’”
Simple enough?
If men were raped with the same frequency that women are, the death penalty would be a mandatory sentence for the crime, judges would have no ‘discretion,’ juries would be directed to find the accused guilty, the media would be unequivocal in condemnation, and there would be lynch mobs outside every court.
Sally, your comment betrays both paranoia and an embarrassing lack of historical perspective. Rapists of women have, at different times and in different places, been executed, by vigilantes or the state. However, most Western societies have decided that the death penalty should be used only for murder–if at all. A life for a life. The ultimate punishment for the ultimate crime. Are you really suggesting that we should re-expand the use of the death penalty, or was your post just a cheap shot at men?
By the way, at least in the United States, men are something like four times more likely than women to be murdered. Is the death penalty a mandatory sentence for the crime? Do judges have no ‘discretion’? Are juries directed to find the accused guilty? Is the media unequivocal in condemnation? Are there lynch mobs outside every court? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
The rates are almost the same in the US. 1 in 20 women, and 1 in 33 men. 5% to 3%.