What To Say When People Tell You They Don’t Own A TV

You know how you’re just about to tell someone about how awesomely awesome 16 and Pregnant was last night and then they turn to you and says with a slight sneer in their voice (for the purposes of this example they are also using a fake British accent) “Oh, I don’t own a television!” The only way this is okay is if they immediately follow it up by saying “because I watch absolutely everything online.” But they’re not going to say that, because this isn’t really about TV at all, it’s about them being better than you. Besides, they’re probably lying. They probably lie awake at night watching re-runs of Alf over and over. Or watch it on the internet while writing a blog about it. But, regardless, here are some ways you can reply to them:

1)      I know what you mean. Sometimes I feel like I need more time to read my Danielle Steel novels.

2)      Because you love it so much you somehow managed to have it installed right into your brain?

3)      I only use it to watch PBS. And 16 and Pregnant, of course.

4)      Because you were…addicted? Yeah, man, I feel that. I’m trying to cut back myself. But don’t you miss the rush?

5)      Doesn’t it bother your neighbors when you keep running into their apartment to watch theirs?

6)      On nights when you’re alone in your apartment, do you imagine conversations with people wherein you talk about not having a TV? Generally, on those nights I just watch TV.

7)      Hulu rules!

8)      Because you are a time traveler? Do they have “talkies” where you’re from? A TV is like that.

9)      You are so brave.

10)   How interesting. I saw an episode of Gossip Girl about this very subject. Let’s discuss it.