How to Flirt

The Social Issues Research Centre has put out a "Guide to Flirting" I think you will find useful. I am not the best flirt, but obviously good enough to be getting married in 30 days ;)

On the importance of flirting:

According to some evolutionary psychologists, flirting may even be the foundation of civilisation as we know it. They argue that the large human brain – our superior intelligence, complex language, everything that distinguishes us from animals – is the equivalent of the peacock’s tail: a courtship device evolved to attract and retain sexual partners. Our achievements in everything from art to rocket science may be merely a side-effect of the essential ability to charm.

Where to flirt:

The guide goes in detail for places to flirt – and the acceptable behaviour for each place.

• parties
• drinking places
• places of learning
• workplace (not universally)
• during sport activities
• at spectator events

And then there are different types of flirtation: flirting you just do for mutual fun, and flirting with an intention of more.

The things they go into are actually very interesting – although we tend to think we are fairly unbiased and open, successful coupling does depend on many things, and one thing they suggest is looking for someone with "mutual attractiveness".

How to flirt:

Now, this section is interesting and very much worth a read over on the site, but here are some tidbits:

The first key to successful flirting is not an ability to show off and impress, but the knack of conveying that you like someone. If your ‘target’ knows that you find him or her interesting and attractive, he or she will be more inclined to like you.

Things to be aware of when you speak, or are spoken to, are tone of voice, eye contact, facial expression, position (distance), touch and posture – these elements combine to tell you if you are just "speaking" or "flirting."

On opening lines:

your opening line is really not very important, and all this striving for originality and wit is a wasted effort. The fact is that conversational ‘openers’ are rarely original, witty or elegant, and no-one expects them to be so. The best ‘openers’ are, quite simply, those which can easily be recognised as ‘openers’ – as attempts to start a conversation.

The traditional British comment on the weather ("Nice day, isn’t it?" or "Doesn’t feel much like summer, eh?", etc.) will do just fine, as everyone knows that it is a conversation-starter. The fact that these comments are phrased as questions, or with a rising ‘interrogative’ intonation, does not mean that the speaker is unsure about the quality of the weather and requires confirmation: it means that the speaker is inviting a response in order to start a conversation.

Of course, once you start a conversation and the signals are in your favour, it’s important to keep that moving and end it in a mutually pleasing way. This "closing of the sale" is crucial, or your flirting effort will be wasted. Here is where you become obviously clear about your intent – to meet again.

So, hopefully you find the Guide helpful, and if you have subsequent questions, I’ll do my best to offer a female perspective.

Via Shai ; Tags: dating, flirting, flirt, guide to flirting