Pick Of The Week: The Perfect Little Black Dress

Gather round, children, and I will tell you the story of how I found the perfect little black dress. It was a cold October morn, and my mother was visiting from the mystical land of Baltimore. I endeavored to take her shopping in my humble hamlet of Williamsburg, where we…okay, I’ll stop now.

This little black dress is fucking awesome. Its full name is “Swan Dress by Jack for B.B. Dakota,” and it costs about $53 on various online shopping sites. It’s also available in red, if that’s your thing.

As you can see, this dress looks good on a tall and skinny model with no face. This is to be expected. If you are tall, skinny and faceless like that model, this dress will look good on you. However, I am not tall and skinny like that model (nor am I missing a face), and it also looks good on me! It’s like the sisterhood of the traveling dress, or something. Its shape hides the little belly about which I am occasionally self-conscious, and the straps do the cut-out thing without being overly obnoxious about it. Wrap dresses often make you look like you have one perky boob and one droopy boob, but this did not do that to me. And I don’t want to brag or nothin’, but it highlighted my hourglass figure in a really nice way, while many similar dresses just make me feel fat.

Here’s what the back looks like:

The one thing I should warn you about is that the criss-crossing straps, while awesome, might be a little too long in the back. I fixed this by pulling them up in the back and down in the front, where I happened to need a little more room anyway, but be advised. Also, the zipper was fucked up on all the ones I tried on, so I decided to just ignore the zipper and pull the whole stretchy thing over my head. (For $53, I’m willing to go through such maneuvers.) It seems to run a little bit “big,” as these things go; I’m 5’4″ and a little over 130 lbs, and I bought a small. It fits tightly enough around my boobs that I don’t need to wear a bra with it, which is good, because you really can’t.

Now someone invite me to a fancy party, please? This dress is not really appropriate for my regular blogger activities of “not leaving the house,” “petting my roommate’s cat” and “eating crunchy salty things out of a bag.” Black might be slimming, but the cat hair shows like nobody’s business.