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WINNERS
Susan: What? What’s that, Amy? Second episode of the season, and you’re putting your arch nemesis Susan on the winner’s list already? Yes, yes I am. And here’s why: In a show where many of the characters do some pretty horrible things without reason, Lynette is the most redeeming. She’s the strongest, most realistic, and as far as I’m concerned, the only role model. And yet, Susan was the one who made her realize that she needs to do what she feels is right with her twins. Made her realize that, yeah, she’s got options. Susan did this. That’s a winner in my book.
Mrs. McCluskey: Sometimes, I watch a show and just think, “hmm, that person is definitely a winner/loser.” How could you not have watched this week’s show and thought that about Mrs. McCluskey? Sure, she’s finally part of some of the spousal drama, but she’s old. And she showers. With a man. Like I tweeted during the episode, Mrs. McCluskey is deeefinitely who I want to be when I grow up.
Karl: He’s slept with three of our wives. He’s slept with countless other women we don’t care about. He’s a “jerk” by all accounts. So why do I love him so? In the end, his first priority is Julie, and he’s pretty honest with his intentions. Plus, he’s also pretty pretty and I like watching him. Isn’t that enough to be a winner?
LOSERS
Bree: The most upstanding woman on the block is sleeping with the sleaziest of the sleazy womanizers on the street. What? yeah, I know, I know. I know you just left the winner’s circle with Karl rounding out the top three as I glowingly write about how amazing Karl is. …amazing at tricking women, but Breeeeeee?? Not to mention the fact that she was more concerned with Susan finding out about her and Karl than she was in poor Julie’s health. Come on, Bree. Where you at?
Lynette: She’s gotta be a loser again, if not for anything other than the large amount of pity she seems to be getting from everyone. Lots of you guys commenting talked about loving the scene with her and Susan, but that you felt so bad for Lynette. I feel bad for her, too — and she’s in a pretty rough place. Susan made her realize that she doesn’t have to go with what Tom wants, but without her husband’s support…..eesh. How does this resolve itself? Gaby’s already done the lose-the-baby-in-a-tragic-stair-spill thing.
Danny Bolen: Danny makes his first appearance on this list for the simple reason that he’s a pasty-white wannabe blood-sucking faux Robert Pattinson emo teenager. Who probably did something bad to someone, even if he wasn’t the Julie Strangler. That’s enough to make it on this list. The end.
*It should be noted that I wanted Katherine to be on this list somewhere, but ultimately I decided that even though she was ungodly entertaining in all her crazy, I knew it could only get crazier and she’ll be a winner/loser more times this season. Wanted to spread the love/hate around. 
Image: CTV
Neighbor Peggy- (I love that name btw..even though you’re nobody’s neighbor here)- I was thinking if it were a women she would’ve just hired a hit man. Nick Bolen would be a good suspect also because he didn’t want his apparently dangerous wife to know he had a baby momma.
Charlene- It would be great if that happened. I mean, not for Bree, but for a sick viewer like me I would love that. LOL
Oh man–Jaz, I hadn’t even THOUGHT of Krazy Katherine for The Julie Strangler!! I was thinking maybe Nick Bolen (the secret too-old father of Julie’s phantom baby, because we know she likes older men?). I’ve also heard Ana or Angie suggested, but I’m not sure that I buy that a woman built like any of those three would have the upper body strength to lift-and-throttle poor Julie. Am I wrong that there was some lifting in that shot?
Also: is it too far-fetched to think that Orson knows about Bree & Karl and is striking out at Karl that way?? Probably–Orson’s happily living in the pyramid he’s build himself right there on the banks of DeNial–but maybe he’s having some sort of psychotic break. Krazy Katherine might need help bringing the crazy this season, after all!
Haha Charlene I completely agree. I did hate Bree in this episode. But she is doin’ the nasty with Karl which makes her a permanent winner in my book!!!
David — Bree’s husband Rex was the doctor.
HAHA, oh man. What if she did? That would result in some hilaaarity.
Charlene, I love Bree too but she’s sleeping with a dirty ho. I hope she doesn’t catch an std from him. (like that time Edie got crabs and gave them to Carlos who gave them to Gaby who gave them to Victor.)
Lol, why would you put Bree in the losers circle? She’s banging KARL, for goodness’ sake? He’s hot, she’s hot–together I don’t know who I’m crushing on more! And screw Susan, she has Mike. Let Bree have her boytoy.
I have a question for the fans… Maybe my memory isn’t what it used to be, but wasn’t Karl a Doctor in the beginning of the show????
I thought the same thing, Jaz. Now — Dylan is coming home? This is gonna be goo-ood. I kinda like ‘Krazy Katherine’. She adds some pizazz to “The Lane”.
I almost wonder if the late pregnancy thing is going to result in something else. Not an abortion — but perhaps one [or both] of the twins may have Down’s Syndrome? This happens most often in older expectant mothers — as many of you know. If this happens though, that would HAVE to entail another fast-forward. I don’t know what to think here.
Great picks, as usual. One note, though: I’m kinda enjoying this Bree~Karl thing. Bree is trying to tame the beast while Karl is trying to unleash it. Verrrry interesting.
OH MY GOOOOOD.
Bree is my favorite character, and I HATED her in this episode. A friend of mine and I do a running commentary a lot like yours and we pretty much hated Bree to death. I predicted this summer that she was going to be leaving soon and now I so hope she does!
The Julie Strangler- haha.
I’m gonna put in my bet that it wasn’t him. I automatically thought of Katherine getting revenge when it first happened.