Winners and losers from 'Crime Doesn't Pay'

Yes, kids, it’s time to delegate the title of winner or loser to six individuals from this week’s episode of Desperate Housewives. I very much appreciate the responses and votes this time, which made things easier!! Actually, I’m totally lying — it made things harder to decide, because y’all made some points that I didn’t think of. I’m only one man, I can’t play DH God all by myself! Also, I’m a woman, and yes I can! So onward!

WINNERS

1. Gaby/Carlos: Jamie and Karl suggested this one, and they’re both dead on. Yes, their moral compasses skewed a little to the “I want more money at the risk of being a little evil” side, but they bounced back and did the right thing. Of course, that set off a few events that caused a woman to killed her husband, but they can’t be blamed for doing the right thing, can they?

2. Edie: Jamie’s TOTALLY right on this one. It’s not like Edie to let some MAN pull the tight cashmere over her eyes, and she’s let it happen for far, far too long. I shouldn’t even be congratulating her for this, because we know it’ll ultimately result in her death. But I don’t have many more opportunities to give Edie the Amy Bartner DH Winner’s Cup, so you get this one fair and square, lady. Aw. <looks away from computer, dabs eyes.> I’m gonna miss her.

3. Susan: All right, Jamie, I’m only mildly begrudgingly giving this one to you (say that three times fast. Go!). Any time a person take a hit to themselves to benefit someone else in a completely selfless act — the way that Susan did to Katherine with Mike — they deserve to be on the winner’s list.

LOSERS

1. Tom/Lynette: Listen, guys, I know some of you put these two as a winners, but there’s no way I can rightfully put either one of them on that list. That dispute was INCREDIBLY low. And yeah, I think Tom sunk lower than Lynette by calling out her CANCER, but neither one is a winner from that. The only good thing was that they, in the end, came back to each other (like always) and hugged it out.

2. Orson: Again, thanks to both Jamie and Karl for thinking alike on this one. Jaz, too!! Um…can I just put him on both lists? I love to watch the crazy, but man, …dude is getting up to Crazy Dave’s crazy level! Some of the thievery was excusable (the tape recorder), and some (the salt shaker) certainly wasn’t. I am looking forward to this storyline, and I hope they keep it up. It’s been a long time since we’ve seen some really ridiculous character plotlines in this show.

3. Maria: I mean, the woman did kill her husband. I think that’s grounds for loser status, don’t you? So…I know I ranted before about how she wasn’t our wife, so it made me upset that the commercials touted “one of the wives” killing, but Maria is a killer, and killing is bad. Yes?

Image: CTV