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In May, my boyfriend of three years and I went our separate ways. No breakup is ever fun, but this one was especially difficult because it was the longest and most serious relationship I’d ever been in. We’d gone on trips together and met each others’ families. I’ve had almost four months to move on, but this article from College Candy reminded me about everything all over again. Granted, getting over a first-ever boyfriend is really different than getting over a I-thought-we-were-going-to-get-engaged late 20s romance, but every breakup shares elements in common, and broken hearts aren’t a contest. So here are some of my own, personally tried-and-true techniques.
- Keep your calendar full. The more time I spent alone, the more time I spent thinking about what my ex and I would have been doing or talking about. So I reached out to my close friends, reconnected with acquaintances, accepted every invitation I was sent, and did my best to keep my social calendar full. One, it kept me busy so I wouldn’t start reminiscing about my relationship or obsessing over something I said; and two, I got to spend time with people I cared about.
- Remember all the things that make you you. When you’re in a relationship it’s easy to think in the “we.” While I was dating my ex, I feigned interest in his hobbies so that we could do stuff together. Once I was single again, I made sure to spend time doing stuff that I loved – reading, yoga, watching Murder, She Wrote reruns on Netflix.
- Don’t get mad at yourself. For awhile, I was trapped in this really weird cycle – I would get all nostalgic, have a little bit of a pity party, and then stop halfway through and get mad at myself for being sad. Going through a grieving/letting go process is normal, and you shouldn’t try to squelch your feelings. Process them now, and you’ll save yourself a lot of anguish later. One thing I did was repeat a favorite quote to myself every time I would get angry: “The way forward is with a broken heart.” (That’s from Alice Walker.)
- Don’t try to erase the past. Couples who spend a long time together tend to accumulate a lot of shared baggage – vacation pictures, borrowed clothes, anniversary gifts. While it’s really tempting to take everything he ever touched and burn it in the street (although, if he did something really terrible, like being physically abusive, you can light a match and I’ll be right there with you), you can’t erase history. Remember the good times and the bad ones. You can’t cut out an entire period of your life, and a happy memory should stay a happy memory, even if the person you made the memory with isn’t in your life anymore.
- Get away. A change of scenery can do wonders to clear your head. You don’t need to spend six months backpacking through Europe. Spend a weekend visiting your family and catching up with old friends, or head to a meditation retreat where you can relax and redirect your energy. If you can’t find time to get out of town, try this: one thing I did was call a close friend from high school, who I only get to see in person about twice a year, and ask her how her kids were doing. I spent about an hour listening to her cute, funny stories about her toddlers. It was nice to catch up, and it also reminded me that there was more to life than me and my problems.
- Write in private. There have been really beautiful poems, novels, and blog posts about breakups. However, if you really want to be honest about your feelings you should write them down in a place where no one else can see them. Once you put something online, it’s out there forever, and you don’t want to either self-censor or say things you’ll regret later. Feel free to publish your thoughts eventually … once you’ve had time to edit.
The way forward is with a broken heart, but it’s also with a full one. While ending a relationship isn’t a fun process, it also isn’t the end of your life. Take the good and the bad, be honest with yourself, and soon enough you’ll find yourself miles ahead.
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I am Pam from uk i broke up with my lover two weeks ago and i was hunt by my lover i decided to look for a spell caster that will help me bring him back? then a friend of my directed me to this great spell caster, and he help me solve my problem how my lover is back to me, to get his contact here i am to give you his contact wiseindividualspell@gmail.com worry know more run to him now for your help and he will help you out.
i have this girl i really love so much. we spent 2 years in a relationship ( but not committed). we were so in love with each other, but the problem is that my parents does not want me to have a gf until i finished college . We promised to each other that we will wait until graduation , but things suddenly changed when i said something awful to her, because i was angry. Then she text me that she needs some space, she said that I should trust her, and saying that she will always love me no matter what. I trusted her so much. We didn’t met for 3 months, because she’s so busy at school. When we met , i apologize to her, but instead of saying that’s okay, she said to me the most painful words i ever heard in my life that, She just been in Love with other Guy. I know our relationship was complicated, I really love her so much more than my life, i trusted her with all my heart and what she did to me is that. I only blame myself for everything. it is really so hard to move on, she is my first and true love .
My ex-husband and I had always manged to stay friendly after our divorce, but I always wanted to get back together with him, and he was never sure. So, I thought it was about time I MADE him sure! All it took was a visit to your website and a request for a specific love spell, and acc spell’s powers began to work their magic. My spell is working because guess what: My “ex” is soon to be my husband again! This is nothing short of a miracle. Thank you, acc spell. Words are not enough. contact him accspelltemple@gmail.com he can be a great help
My ex-husband and I had always manged to stay friendly after our divorce, but I always wanted to get back together with him, and he was never sure. So, I thought it was about time I MADE him sure! All it took was a visit to your website and a request for a specific love spell, and acc spell’s powers began to work their magic. My spell is working because guess what: My “ex” is soon to be my husband again! This is nothing short of a miracle. Thank you, acc spell. Words are not enough. contact him accspelltemple@gmail.com he can be a great help
i had been keeping him in my heart for six years…i had try all my best to please him..i gave all my life without reservations…all my life only revolves around him…i had trusted him…love him so much…in fact i prayed every night hoping that God may hear me…that he will be my partner in life…i had done all the things i can do for me to have him,,,,but right now im facing in the fact that i have let him go and give him up…it was hard..that i dont want to spend even a single seconds to think of him and to let myself hurt…it s so painful…God knows how i love him…that until now im willing to do everything just to have him back…i really want to have him back…..
i was in a relation for 3 yrs,n broke up a mnth n a half bck.he usd to b evrything to me.but den his mum liked sum chic for him for 4 yrs.so he cudnt convince his mum bout me.he left me without evn givin me any reasn.he strtd being rude,insulting my parents,insulting me.i usd to b actualy begging him to get bck.but he never listend…though i feel a lil better than before..it stil hurts cuz d way he treated me,d way i loved him…i had never expcted or evn dreamt of sucha thing to happen..n nw hes gna b getn married..n all of d things whch i dreamt of,another gurl wil b living it…i feel terrible to wtch him gt married to sumone else..n thrs ntn i cn do bout it..i try to move on..n forgt bout him..but sumwhr in d corner of my head..evrything tat he did,3 yrs of our relation,his marriage wit sumone else…its stil stored out thr..i get nightmares of dis marriage.n i reli wish i cud erase d memories.
we jst broke up..the reason ‘i disrespected him’ *sigh* ok! I was angry nd said something harsh..but u dont really mean things u blurt out when u’re angry..he doesnt get that. I’v apologized nd did everything but his ‘ego’ is too big. Well i have nothing to say now..enough! He couldn’t see how much i loved him..his bad luck! And now i hate myself for loving him so much. Uggggh!
We’ve been together for almost 10yrs, but now, it isn’t working anymore:( I don’t feel that I’m special for him anymore, love got cold..
he can’t even find time to be with me, he’s always busy with such things..
That’s why i decided to end it,to let him go, though it hurts a lot.
I don’t even know if i could still live without him, but hope i could…
One thing more, I did everything to please his family but still, they didn’t like me for him, I can’t do nothing but cry just to ease the pain…
I know I’m a tough girl and i can do this.. Live Life to the fullest without him!!!
i have my 5 years boyfriend,we used to lived together for 3 years but now we wre separated,,,breaking up is not that easy especially if you both know tha treal love is all around you,,but sometimes due to lack of communication and the feeling of pride,no one dares to take the first stepto apologize..I love him very very much but i dont want to show my exagerrated feelings to him..and even though i try socializing…he’s always on my mind especially when it is time to sleep and in times like im alone…i cant help him band i know i couldnt love any guy like i love him.
i also broke up with my boyfie lyk two weeks ago but lyf has to move on.i infact feel sronger than ever n rilly lookin forward to havin a new relationship although i still need tym to relax n hav fun
I have just broken up with my partner of two years awful! I never thot a day like this will come, more so I am left with a kid to look after all by myself well it’s not the end of the world but it’s energy sapping, I work full time, i haven’t got many close friends, but this article is very helpful, just putting this down is a bit relieving, the feeling of emptiness is indescribable but am looking on the bright side of life and hope to find love again.
My boyfriend an I just broke up the other night. We’re just getting ready for our anniversary. And I’ll be honest, I’m still not over him. But knowing other people are willing to listen, keeping me company and knowing that I’m not the only one in the world with this problem, it really helps a lot.
GOODBYE JERKS!
My boyfriend and I broke up just this month.It’s really painful if you know that you did your best for more than 2 years.And your best doesn’t good enough for him.I asked him if he want’s to save our relationship..bt no answer from him.I love him so much more than my life..but things happen for a reason,i believe that there’s someone better for me.THANKS FOR THIS ARTICLE..IT WILL HELP ME A LOT.
thank you… i’m gonna try your techniques.. these could really help me a lot after the pain i felt when me and my boyfriend broke up… i could use something new in my life… appreciate the things that i still have… i know things happen for a reason… and i just don’t know where to start looking for the answer… your techniques might lead me to a solution… thank you for sharing
nice.. helps a lot.. tnx
I’m older and this was the only man I’ve ever fallen in love with. I guess for me the pain is overwhelming because experience makes me believe I’ll never find someone to love again. It makes letting go the pain & moving on so hard
I rally appreciate this! It help a lot
God bless
Even though I finished with him two months ago, I still miss him. It’s not that I want him back but I just wish things were different. Thanks for this.
dear … i broke with a girl who lives in canada while i live in india …. din’t get to meet her since den …. we had dis 10 months relation n she broke off now … huh … b4 i googled how 2 move on …. i hv tried everythng on list i can assure u dat … it doesnt work newys …
just cant live widout her … dats it ….
if u r notified abt dis post …. n feel lyk helping a total dumb stranger ….
here is my id don.nike@gmail.com
Beautifully written! I’m sure I’m going to apply most of this soonish :D