What's Your Marital Status? Tell The World With a T-Shirt.

Sometimes I get really dumb shit in my inbox. Sometimes it’s from wedding sites that I signed up for. Often, I immediately regret having signed up for them.

Like this email I got today from TheKnot.com, the world’s biggest monopoly on all things wedding. I signed up to look for locations, and yet today I get something with the subject line “Wear your status on your sleeve.”

Well, TheKnot.com, which is probably reading this even as I type it, already knows my status. I’m engaged. So naturally when I got that email, I thought to myself, surely they don’t mean this literally. I think I already have something that signifies my status…obviously I don’t need anything going down my sleeve as well, unless they’re suggesting that I make some sort of arm band out of my engagement ring…

What TheKnot.com is actually suggesting is that I get t-shirts printed that say things like “soon-to-be-Mrs.-(fill in the blank).” In fact, you can get shirts, sweatshirts, underwear, bikinis, tank tops, tampons, gun holsters, eyebrow rings, whatever you want with your marital status printed on it.

I understand that sometimes women get this kind of shit done up for their bachelorette parties, or their honeymoons, or even their weddings. But I’m not getting married within the next month, at which time something like this might be a bit more appropriate. And Big Brother TheKnot.com, all-knowing being that it is, is aware of that (it even sends me fun reminders about how much time I have left to plan).

So I have to wonder, does TheKnot.com, and the rest of the wedding industry, and perhaps the rest of the world, think that until the day I wed, the fact that I’m getting married will be the most important thing about me, and the only thing worthy of printing on a t-shirt? After all, I’m not getting emails from anywhere else suggesting that I “wear my statues on my sleeve.” (“Overdue library book!” “Currently late to pick up a prescription!”) So maybe I should print up t-shirts that give an update on everything in my life: work, home, engagement, finace’s work, well-being of dog, family’s health. This way, in any situation, I could skip all small talk and just sit back and sip a drink while people get caught up quickly and easily. Perhaps you’re on to something after all, TheKnot.com…