We missed “Desperate Housewives” last week, and this week, we’re competing with our love of too-long awards shows. So we’re going to be watching the Grammys right until 8:59…and flip over OMGREALLYFAST.

Erin’s here, (Not)Neighbor Peggy is here. It’s on. (And, of course, follow me on the Twits @DesperateBlog)

GO!

9:02: I reeeeaally don’t care about Orson in a wheelchair. This storyline doesn’t interest me. And I had gotten used to Bree and Karl…
9:02: Orson and Bree? Just seem awkwardly matched now.
9:03: P.S. Orson’s giving away things? Telltale sign of suicide. Little TOO obvious, guys?
9:03: OMG, I love lines like this from Mary Alice: “…because her husband had decided to kill himself.” Think it’s going to happen?
9:04: I really wish Angie would dress more like Snooki from Jersey Shore. It seems like she should. Am I wrong on this?
9:05: I love how the “SEEEEND IN THE CLONE!” woman from Austin Powers is a neighbor now?
9:05: “Is Angie Bolen the sixth Captain Planet character now?” –Peggy
9:06: “We don’t talk about Patrick anymore.” –Nick. YES WE DO. TALK ABOUT PATRICK . TALK. GO.
9:06: Oh man, Rita!!
9:07: I did NOT expect her to make such a good stripper! She’s so sweet and innocent on Dexter….
9:09: Is there some tension with Daphne and Tom?? Am I imagining that?
9:10: He left his keys. This isn’t going to be good. Daphne and Tom alone?
9:11: I just turned to Erin: “Am I making up this sexual tension??” “No. No you’re not.”
9:11: Who writes for Gaby?? “Just a couple of teenagers alone with their genitals.”
9:13: Yep, suicide note…
9:14: The last few episodes have been HILARIOUS. Funnier than usual? Good writing, DH Gods. Good writing.
9:17: So I ran into the kitchen to get some wine during the break. This is how I knew we were back from commercial: “BOX OF CONDOMS ON THE TABLE!” –Peggy
9:17: Ahh, the double standard for boys vs. girls having sex as teenagers. Or any agers.
9:17: “She’s YOUR trampy niece!” –Gaby
9:18: I’m sorry…Susan is Robin/Rita’s role model? Susan is anyone’s role model…?
9:19: “Apparently there was a boob job and a bad relationship and the rising cost of glitter…” –Susan.
9:20: Peggy — who’s a teacher — is angry that Robin’s getting a job with kids “without credentials.”

9:20: Roy reminds me of Dick Van Dyke.
9:26: Orson’s making Bree tell him she loves him. She doesn’t. That sorta hurts?
9:30: Ana and Gaby have the same wardrobe. Or wardrobe decorator?
9:30: Ahh, Dr. Daphne’s not super awesome, hey?
9:30: “It’s awesome because she’s a great actor in real life.” –Erin
9:32: I don’t know if I totally disagree with Lynette on this one. You’re giving advice to people, but you obviously don’t …get it yourself?
9:36: “You really took a chance on me.” –Robin. Why did I just start singing ABBA?
9:36: Parents recognizing Robin from the strip club. Awesome.
9:38: “I promised her I wouldn’t have sex. I didn’t promise you wouldn’t.” –Ana. What does THAT mean? ……..
9:40: Ooh…death threats from Angie. And Austin Powers chick egging on an angry Angie?
9:47: “You sucked. You were really bad.” –Lynette, to Dr. Daphne.
9:48: “Do it, Tom. Do it. Do it.” –Erin
9:48: “Do it. Insult the doctor. Do it!” –Erin
9:48: “YEESS!!” –Erin
9:49: Gaby and Carlos are hearing something they shouldn’t be….but I want to hear it!
9:55: I’m loving Mike’s interaction with MJ.
9:56: So we’re all loving all the couples in this show now — Mike and Susan are adorable lately!
9:56: (except Bree and Orson…..)
9:59: “And so, I’m asking you: please stay.” –Bree
10:00: You cant just decide you want to love someone, Bree…

Post from: TheGloss

We’ve got a giant full apartment of “Desperate Housewives” fans tonight! And by “giant full apartment” I mean Peggy and Erin are here. We’re not as hyped up for this episode as we have been for recent ones, but we’ve got a bowl of edamame and a 32-inch TV full of desperate housewives.

Ready? GO!

9: I love how every time I turn on the TV for the desperate ‘wives, I hear wonderful goodness about humans from “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.” And then I go to debauchery. Natural move?
9:02: Yes! More Bob and Lee! The fighting is hilarious!
9:02: Wooow, Tom, way to put Lynette on the spot about the therapy!
9:03: Who even knew Tom/Lynette and Bob/Lee were friends?
9:04: Not going to lie, I’m not super interested/caring in seeing Katherine.
9:05: Also, I like how she’s talking as if she’s totally better, looking back. Is it THAT easy?
9:06: “I can see things for the first time in a long while very clearly.” –Katherine.
9:07: Wonder how long Orson can keep this up?
9:07: That’s not a week’s worth of beard on Orson’s face.
9:09: Wait, Susan’s not lying? They actually rate children by animals? Susan teaches at a zoo?
9:10: “I love how campy she is all the time.” –Erin about Gaby.
9:11: So something just struck me…Tom seems to fit in with Bob and Tom really, really well. What is it?
9:13: P.S. Normally I would be switching back and forth between DH and the Golden Globes, but seeing as how they ignored DH……I’m not.

9:15: So Ana and Danny are together together?
9:16: Whoooooa, Angie! She’s talking like a true Italian/Jewish/Catholic mother!
9:16: “So while you’re doin’ porn, he can make the dialog rhyme!” –Angie.
9:17: Is getting into heaven the ONLY thing that keeps Bree catering to Orson’s every whim??
9:18: I love that she’s using Orson’s height to her advantage. It’s like putting the sharp things up high so a 2-year-old doesn’t get them.
9:19: “By the way, enjoy your colonoscopy on the 16th.” –Gaby
9:21: Orson’s little act is getting more and more entertaining! “Please hit me in the leg this time, I have no feeling there.”
9:27: Aww, I think Lee’s hotter than Bob!
9:28: “And where his mother now? In a nursing home. How’d she get there, I don’t remember.” –Lee. He’s now my favorite character on the show. I’m not kidding.
9:29: P.S. Carlos has a tattoo? Whale tail? Peggy and I are confused and don’t remember seeing it before.
9:30: Mrs. McCluskey ALWAYS befriends the odd neighbor out. First Edie, now she’s getting chummy with Katherine?
9:30: What??? Gaby in the kitchen? Cooking?? What?
9:31: “Get her.” –Carlos. YES! I’m LOVING THE MEN IN THIS SHOW.
9:36: This is the most interesting MJ has ever been on this show. And I maybe have never laughed so hard at this show as I have tonight? With his hand stuck in the glass?
9:39: Are they airing the funniest episode tonight as sort of a “screw you for not nominating us for best comedy”?
9:41: Lynette was a pretty easy case to crack there, Daphne (Jane Leeves).
9:41: “Daphne’s a better therapist than Frasier. Put that in your blog.” –Peggy.
9:45: Aww, Lynette and Tom are the best couple on this show. Do they REALLY need therapy?
9:46: Guaranteed Gaby got it mixed up. Because she has a leopard.
9:47: Dear Orson: I have one word for you. HAGGARD.
9:47: “And you’re a whore! Here’s the difference: I can get clean.” –Orson.
9:48: YES. Bree’s hosing Orson down in the front lawn! AMAZING.
9:48: This is one of those scenes where I think “How fun was THIS to film?” ….and then I wish I was Marcia Cross.
9:57: Wow, Ana, why are you bein’ such an ahole to Angie?
9:58: Did Ana just own Angie? Because….I think she did.
9:59: Noticeably absent from the cheesy Katherine-forgiveness fest? Susan!
9:59: I spoke too soon.
9:59: Let me guess, everything goes back to normal now?
10:00: Cheesy, but sweet.
10:00: “That was a nice episode.” –Peggy. It WAS nice! Nice, and hilaaaaarious. But SERIOUSLY, in the end, you left us hanging! Who’s smarter?? Leopards? Chipmunks? Otters? Giraffes? Penguins? I NEED TO KNOW!!!

Post from: TheGloss

Erin’s here. Peggy’s following on the Twitter. You can follow me, too, and get my amazing thoughts on Desperate Housewives, life and all sorts of things of the like on the Twitter! (Do I sound like my mom saying that? “Ooooh, you kids and your Twitting.”)

Anyway, on to the show!!!

9:01: I always love the episode after the OMG SOMETHING CLIFFHANGERY HAPPENS episode — it’s always funnier, lighter and most of the time better than the episode we all were waiting for.
9:02: “He specifically asks that you keep an open mind.” This is the strip club?
9:03: Ha, I love that she had to GO to the strip club to learn that he owned one.
9:04: “So who do I speak to about selling my share of herpes on parade?” -Susan. Whoooa, who’s giving her all the good lines during this episode?
9:05: I’m waiting to see Julie Benz. I’m super excited to see her as a stripper. She’ll always be Rita from Dexter to me.
9:05: Yes!!! Mike goes to the strip club??
9:06: This seems like a little bit of a weird trade-off, doesn’t it? Daughter’s life is worth a 60-inch TV?
9:06: Tom standing in for Lynette? I think that’s fanTASTic. And only could work in a soap opera, but fanTASTic nonetheless.
9:07: “She doesn’t want to be a stay-at-home mom.” -Erin. That, and she’s always had that competition with him….(Lynette, not Erin.)
9:09: “I think you know what you need to do to atone for this sin.” -Rev. Sykes. Wow. She’s going to stay with Orson to make herself feel better??
9:09: “Ooooohhh, no. I hate Catholic guilt.” -Erin, who was raised Catholic. She’s getting progressively louder/yelling at the screen during this scene.

9:11: Danny strangled Julie. I just have this feeling watching him in this scene. (It’s nice to see him smiling and happy, though.)
9:13: “I’m Mexican??” -Juanita. That’s the funniest thing I’ve seen. They’ve raised a child who’s racist against her own heritage?
9:14: I know Teri gets all the credit for being the funny one on the show, but Eva? Way funnier. In all the good ways. Yep, I said it.
9:16: I haven’t felt much pity for Orson until this moment.
9:17: I spoke too soon. I feel more pity for him now that he’s realizing he can’t open the door.
9:18: “We eat Chinese food, too, does that mean I’m Chinese?” -Juanita. She’s pretty funny herself!
9:18: OMG I thought Juanita was going to flip her parents off as she was running up the stairs into the house!
9:19: Erin and I literally just screamed out in laughter when we saw the scene of white people doing white people things in their white neighborhood.
9:20: “I don’t like that she’s wearing just underwear. She’s already going to strip later in the show, I mean, seriously?” -Erin.
9:21: “Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do.” -Mike. Erin and I both say he’s not wrong.
9:23: I love that Lee is one of the girls. I love even more that he and Mrs. McCluskey have the same crush on Tom that I do.
9:26: Oh, hey, Ana, what’s up? Congratulations, you’ve just joined the cast of MIA Desperate Kids.
9:29: Lynette’s jealousy over Tom working for her seems familiar…oh, that’s right, they’ve traded working on and off since 2004.
9:30: “That’s our naked floor.” -Roy. I’m so happy they’ve found each other.
9:33: Between Mrs. McCluskey telling Roy to leave the ramp up bc he’ll need it and Mike saying “We’ve all been there”? Funniest 30 seconds ever!
9:35: Why is Lynette never the one to stand behind Tom’s abilities??
9:37: And then Tom tells Carlos that Lynette’s going to be a stay-at-home mom without telling her first, hey?
9:37: Awww, there’s nothing quite like a terrible comedian.
9:38: Julie and Baby Matt Damon No. 1 are leaving Ana and the NY Vampire alone.
9:39: Is it just me, or does the NY Vampire/Danny remind me a little bit of Michael J. Fox? I know. Weird. I know.
9:40: Oh HALE NAW. Did Gaby just say “THOSE people”??
9:41: “Oh yeah, well you’re a self-wiping Mexican!” -Gaby. “What does that mean??” -Carlos, just before Gaby throws her margarita in his face.
9:46: And Lynette still doesn’t want the babies? Is that what this is?
9:47: Watching Tom give in to Lynette about her job just made both Erin and I almost cry?
9:48: I said Susan looked great, and Erin says “I was…just about to say the opposite.”
9:48: Erin’s wrong. Susan looks great.
9:49: Mike covering Susan up? I kinda love it. Way protective and adorable.
9:54: Gaby looking at a box? Is it a box of boxed up Mexican memories?
9:55: I gotta say, I’m a little sick of this formula? Where the problem is funny, then the problem is serious, then it’s heartwarmingly sad.
9:56: Why doesn’t Gaby want her children to know what she overcame to get where she is?
9:56: Heartwarmingly sad!
9:57: My mom has the glasses Bree and Orson are using right now!
9:58: “I guess I can find a way to be happy….by the way, my soup’s cold.” Does Bree deserve this? I say yes.
9:59: OK, my “Bree deserves this” mantra ran out with Orson telling her to go to the store for vanilla beans.

Post from: TheGloss

So I’m sitting here, waiting for the show to start, waiting for Erin and (Not)Neighbor Peggy to come over after pilates, waiting to find out who dies, and I must say….for all this waiting I’m doing for something I’m pretty ungodly excited about, I’m being pretty patient. It’s just when Ty Pennington welcomes a new family home that I start to get super fidgety and A.D.D. and will continue to be that way until I hear Mary Alice’s voice.

Anyway, so everyone’s here, we’re pumped and ready and all of the stuff we should be (and you should follow along with me live here!), so let’s get this thing started, yes?

And we’re definitely getting a list of winners and losers out of this one, so let me know your nominations!!

8:57: Hellooooo Desperate Housewives fans! Are you guys as excited as I am? Because…that’s probably not possible.
9:01: OMGOMGOMGOMG The previously on is on! That means the show is coming!!
9:02: I was just about to whine about how I hate new random characters. But they’re going to die. So I don’t have to care about these people.
9:03: This argument is going on too long. Just crash. We’ve been waiting for far too long for this episode for THIS.
9:04: Heart attack on a plane? Is this “Hatchet”??
9:04: Santa’s colon? Oh, Lynette. You’re hilarious.
9:06: Is it just me, or is everyone the prettiest they’ve ever looked? Lee included.
9:07: Katherine points at Mike from the stretcher. Awesome.
9:09: Ah, Mona. Guessing that they’re in the witness protection program. They say yes, I say no?
9:10: Ahh, the nervous laughter of someone who probably wasn’t kidding about having someone else wacked.
9:10: “Forgive me for starting your day on a sour note, but I’ve filed for divorce.” — Bree. Sour? Understatement of the year?
9:11: I just asked Erin/Peggy if we believed Orson was bluffing? Erin: “No.” Peggy: “Nope.”

9:12: This is kind of sad. I almost feel bad for Orson?
9:12: I love how Bob is the lawyer du jour on the series. Got a case? Bob’ll take it!
9:14: Watching Susan trying to play nice with Katherine in the hospital is almost painful!
9:15: I do love that Katherine has gone from mostly sane, to outright crazy, to this — quietly psychotic. Totally, totally off the deep end.
9:16: Dylan Mayfair! Yes!
9:19: Commercial break! I need to go grab my chestnuts, which have been roasting on an open toaster oven.
9:20: Aww, Penny! Who knew you were still alive? I love seeing the MIA Desperate Kids.
9:21: I have no sympathy for Carlos. None. None at all.
9:22: And Gaby slams the door in Lynette’s face when Lynette tried to apologize. Just like that.
9:23: I DO have sympathy for Orson. Why is that? I’ve never had much of anything for him…
9:24: And Karl’s the one who hired the plane to fly over the party…. there’s that?
9:24: And Karl gave the pilot his card! Yes!
9:29: Mmmm….Dylan looks good.
9:30: WHOA. THIS IS FANTASTIC. Katherine told Dylan that she’s married to Mike. How many more ways can I call her crazy?
9:31: There are a lot of crazy women on this show. Peggy comments that the men aren’t really that stable either.
9:36: Mona…blackmailing. Not a good idea, lady.
9:38: “Did you stab yourself? Mom, did you?” — Dylan
9:40: “I asked you not to come.” — Katherine, with a glazed look on her face after she’s taken down by several nurses. Man. I wonder if we’re going to start seeing less and less of Dana Delany?
9:45: I love that we’re catching little bits of the Bicks couple and their flight throughout this episode.
9:46: I know this is a DH thing, but why are Lynette and Gaby being so ungodly immature and light-hearted about this lawsuit?
9:46: (even though Lynette’s hat IS surprisingly erect and in Gaby’s way.)
9:54: Wonder where that banner is going to land?
9:56: Orson and Karl in Santa’s house. Fighting. With candy canes. Is this what Jesus had in mind?
9:57: “Just because I have lawn gnomes doesn’t mean I’m stupid.” — Mona. No, but it obviously means you’re a horrible person.
9:58: Erin’s calling it — the plane’s going to land on Santa’s house.
9:59: “….and that was 18 years ago and we’ve been looking over our shoulder ever since.” — Angie. What?? That’s all we get??
10:00: Whoa. That’s it? And we’re not going to see who dies?
10:01: I think….I think I’m angry. That plane scene was quite possibly the worst special effects I’ve ever seen.
10:04: This is a TV show, so the effects aren’t going to be as awesome as a movie, but Lost? Heroes? Can’t we take some pointers from one of those?
10:04: Peggy said the bloody hand looks feminine….I’m not sure if she was implying Orson or Bree with that.

Post from: TheGloss

So it’s just Erin and me watching tonight. And I don’t mean to say that as if, oh, ho hum, it’s just Erin and me, and we’re watching “Desperate Housewives” tonight. I mean OMGWEREWATCHINGDESPERATEHOUSEANDWERESOOOOEXCITED. It’s been two weeks, and we’s hard up for some ‘wives. And I’m attempting to make some veggie chili, which I stupidly started RIGHT BEFORE the show started….which is somewhat of a small indicator of why Amy’s name isn’t Bree, and why she doesn’t have an extremely successful homemakery business.

Too much ramble about nonsensicalness! On to the show! (As always, follow me on Twitter here!)

9:02: Hello Desperate Housewives!! Why does it seem like forEEEVVER (Sandlot-style) since we’ve been here? Because it HAS.
9:03: Who’s that woman sitting with our ‘wives? The one suggesting self-defense classes? Since when have been friends with other women?
9:04: Tom. Sewing. Reading sports. They cancel each other out. Best man ever. Ever.
9:04: Am I the only one thinking we don’t need to apologize to Carlos for lying about the pregnancy??
9:04: How about CARLOS apologize to LYNETTE for SEXUALLY DISCRIMINATING AGAINST HER?
9:05: “Then if you don’t mind, I have work to do.” Well done, Lynette.
9:06: Maybe not? “Are you kidding me? These twins have a better office.”
9:07: So are we thinking Nick did the killing/attacking of Julie? I’m thinking it’s never the obvious one, sooo……Nick….not it?
9:08: No. Nick didn’t do it. Angie? She seems like she has some sort of vendetta against her own husband, maybe?
9:08: Oh, they’ve been on the run 18 years. As old as Danny is, eh?
9:09: O…..M…..GOD. Bree in the ghetto? And yes, I just sang that like Elvis.
9:11: Ha! Bree’s finding out about Orson’s rip-roaring days down in the penitentiary.
9:11: (For the record, I just said “penit–penitent–ugh, how do you spell that??” I eventually got it right. Without no Googles!)

9:15: Oh, MJ. What’s up? Forgot you existed. Maybe your mother did, too.
9:16: Thank the LAWD. Someone has given MJ acting tips!
9:17: Yes, Mike! “Did you actually my 6-year-old son his mother’s a bad person?” What’s with the men WINNING on this episode??
9:17: Wait, except Carlos. No goodness in THAT one.
9:18: YES. Susan sees Julie’s car. The one Karl took. And is going to catch Bree and Karl??
9:18: Actually, no. She’s — for once — being a good mom and trying to talk her down.
9:19: Man, I’m jumping to all sorts of conclusions tonight, hey? She’s gonna bust right in on them….
9:19: So THAT’S why Julie dyed her hair red this season….
9:20: “Susan’s in the middle of all the love triangles.” -Erin
9:25: Is Gaby seeeeriously going to walk away from her pregnant friend? This is INFURIATING ME.
9:26: Ha! Pitiful Lynette, sharpening her pencil in her itty bitty baby office.
9:26: Oh, it’s just attack of Kids We Never See, hey? There’s Ana! Almost forgot about her…
9:27: Mmm, I just got a feeling that Danny did it???
9:28: Julie’s at LEAST five years older than Danny, right?
9:28: Erin points out that Danny’s got his hand in his pocket…
9:29: “I killed a man.” -Angie. There THAT is.
9:31: Danny? Empty pill bottle? Whaaaaat….????
9:35: Whooooa McCLUSK!!! Who knew you had THAT in you??
9:36: Susan putting Bree in a sleeper hold? Awesome.
9:37: This is scene is far, far too good for words.
9:37: I am SO proud of Lynette for suing Carlos.
9:38: “Sorta my way of saying ‘I’m sorry and here’s some crap to prove it.’” -Gaby
9:39: Hahahahaha. Amazing. Lynette chasing Gaby down the street as Gaby is giving away all her “I’m sorry” crap.
9:45: This ridiculousness between Carlos and Lynette is getting out of hand. But Lynette is almost 100 percent in the right.
9:46: “There he is, Bree. That is the man you say you want to be with.” – Susan, about her ex-husband and Bree’s current lova.
9:47: Ha! Susan just asked Bree if she’s drinking again.
9:48: I’m pretty convinced now that Karl’s going to die. His storyline is going to end once Bree realizes who Karl reeeeeeaaaaaally is.
9:48: I’m proud of Susan for being big about the Bree/Karl thing. I’m proud of ALL of the ladies tonight. And the men! (except Carlos, still).
9:50: Nov. 10, 1991. Where were you? I was in my first grade class at Siebert Elementary. Yeah well, Angie killed someone that day. Big whoop-de-doo what I was learning in Ms. Mitzel’s class.
9:51: Erin’s calling it that Danny heard every word between Nick and Angie as he was “asleep” on the hospital bed.
9:56: “You’re really going to do this?” – Lynette. Is he…really going to do this?
9:56: Wow, Lynette and Carlos have known each other — and been friends — for HOW long?? And THIS is the way he’s treating her?
9:57: “My name’s Tyler.” -Danny
9:57: OMG, and Katherine’s got MJ?
9:58: Um, Mike? She’s got a knife. What’s your goal in this situation??
9:59: “If you mean it, then please kill me. It would be less painful.” …Mike’s response?? “I don’t care enough about you to kill you.”
10:00: Is he being SERIOUS? I’m not sure what’s up with Mike if he’s being for real…??
10:01: And then there’s that. Katherine just stabbed herself. Erin says she’s going to blame it on Mike. Or maybe Susan?
10:01: And next week is the plane crash episode!! YAAAYY!!

Post from: TheGloss

We had a fuuuuull apartment of “Desperate Housewives” watchers tonight. (Not) Neighbor Peggy AND Erin both made it for the show tonight. We want lots of lots of Susan in jail and lots and lots of Bree/Karl.

We’re blabbing all about it during the show — on Twitter here — and I repost the tweets here! Heeeeeeeeeere we go!!

9:02: Katherine standing up during court? Yelling at Susan? …wearing a cheetah hat…and pointing fingers?
9:03: Susan looks GREAT in that dress. I’m loving her a lot lately. What’s going on? The apocalypse/2012 isn’t for a few more years.
9:04: Is it just me, or does Julie always seem to look like a kid playing dress up?
9:04: “Seriously? You think I’m going to make small tawk with you?” — Angie.
9:06: Lynette’s in Tom’s clothes. Tom’s nipping out. There’s something off with the DH world tonight.
9:08: Did Gaby just tell a priest she wasn’t asking him “to part the Red Sea” …….after she bribed him?
9:09: Isn’t the first rule of having an affair not going out in public? Why are Karl and Bree out?
9:10: Uh oh. We love Orson again?
9:10: (and by “we” I don’t mean WE we. I mean Bree we.)
9:14: Dear GOD GABY. YOU LOOK FANTASTIC. Wait, bribing priests? Me saying “dear god”? Full of sacrilege tonight….
9:15: OK, Lynette, I know we don’t fit in our own clothes anymore, but why the sloppy tie??
9:16: Katherine’s krazy has caused me to love both Susan AND Katherine. How does that work?
9:22: Nuh-uh, oh hale naw. LL Cool N? How come the ladies love cool Nick?

9:22: Nick destroyed Angie’s life?
9:23: I love love LOVE how Tom and Lynette work in cahoots to accomplish something.
9:25: Peggy wants Orson and Angie to have a torrid affair. Let’s all sleep with each other’s husbands! Go!
9:26: “See, I think she’s taken a lover.” — Orson. And see, I think Orson’s stuck in 1943.
9:27: Krazy Katherine and Susan bonding time.
9:28: “The man I love chose you.”
9:29: Ahh, and there it is. Katherine’s manipulating her by telling her she and Mike had sex five times a day.
9:33: Is this a new tattoo, Mike? Also, dear Susan: Katherine was messing with you. Guaranteed they didn’t have sex five times a day!
9:34: “Juanita’s a biter.” — Gaby. Amazing. Almost amazing as she looks in that fantastic dress.
9:36: “There is no way that Bree Vandekamp is whoring it up in some filthy motel.” — Angie
9:36: Yes, yes there is a way that Bree Vandekamp is whoring it up in some filthy hotel!
9:37: “Yeah, yeah selfish Gaby, same old song, sing along if you know the words.” — Gaby. La la la la.
9:39: Gaby isn’t supporting Lynette? Lynette was the one who was discriminated against. By Gaby’s husband.
9:44: How many time is this? Is anyone keeping track of how many times Mike and Susan had sex?
9:44: “I was hoping that tonight we could…cuddle.” — Mike. Wait, what’s the problem here?
9:46: So Katherine wasn’t lying? This five-times-a-day thing is real?
9:47: Angie’s got loyalty to Orson? Peggy and Erin say she’s just nosy.
9:49: Oh MAN. ORSON. IN. THE HOUSE.
9:49: ….resulting in nothing because Bree’s a perfectionist at everything, even sleeping around.
9:50: Angie is a good friend. Thought she had the loyalty to Orson…I was wrong.
9:51: I just ask why Karl has that body. Peggy asks why he’s so orange. Both are valid, valid questions.
9:57: “You’re pregnant. Wow. Great.” — Carlos. What?? How is this happening that he’s manipulating her into basically firing her??
9:58: Uh oh. Sexy barista has the hots for LL Cool N?
9:59: Wait, LL Cool N is Black Owl? Too many nicknames.
9:59: It just occurred to me. Angie strangled Julie?
10:01: Or not? Nick? That was his watch we saw, right?

Post from: TheGloss

I’m allll alone tonight. More grading for (Not)Neighbor Peggy and Erin’s being all cultural and going to a poetry reading. So, here we are. Just me, the TV, my cat and the Desperate Housewives. Remember, you can follow along with me on Twitter here! It’s a lot more fun to watch me typo DURING the show, but having it all cleaned up here is good, too.

Let’s watch Susan get arrested! Go!

9:01: “Julie Mayer was having troubles sleeping.” – Mary Alice. Uuhh…Julie Mayer is wearing too much makeup whilst she sleeps.
9:02: Wow, and just like that, two things happened: 1. We find out about how Julie and Nick met and 2. A new desperate housewife is born.
9:04: Andrea Bowen has turned into a GREAT actor.
9:06: “At least the toilets won’t talk back,” Gaby, about her daughter.
9:06: Women don’t commit this kind of crime? That’s the only reason we’re ignoring Katherine as a suspect?
9:07: “She mistook you for a 23-year-old? ” — Cop. Oh man. Amazing.
9:08: And in comes Kathy Najimy, the caring female cop. “She and I go way back. She doesn’t remember me now, but she will.” — Officer Najimy
9:09: Oh, Angie and Bree? Best. Friendship. Ever. Could they be more opposite?
9:11: Whoooa, awkwardpants mcgee time at the Bolen household.
9:11: “Orson, I never thought I’d say this to you again, but please unbutton your pants.” — Bree
9:13: I’m SO confused on the Orson/Bree marriage. We left last season with them being done done. And it seemed like the producers beefed up something that wasn’t there to make the Karl affair seem worse than it was? So now Bree’s telling Orson she never thought she’d tell him to unbutton his pants again…wouldn’t he think that was odd?
9:18: Hasn’t Bree learned her lesson? Claiming other people’s work as her own? Who’s worse to piss off? Krazy Katherine or a rough Noo Yawka?

9:19: Julie came after Nick? Do we believe this? I don’t. Not for a second.
9:20: All right. I NOW believe Nick is the reason the Bolens left wherever it is they left.
9:20: Ugh, these horrible DH Sprint commercials. Not giving them the dignity of watching. Mute mute mute!
9:26: Not going to lie, with everything else going on, I’ve got little to no interest in the Gaby/Ivana thing.
9:26: Uh oh. We can only assume this isn’t going to end well. Susan bullied her, right?
9:28: “But I’m living in my mummy’s basement.” — Captain DiPira. Wow, the crazies just keep coming this season, hey?
9:28: Hooooly ARMS, Bree!! Looking good…
9:29: Seriously, Bree. Just hire Angie.
9:30: “Omg, Moose! … no, the animal moose. That was her nickname.” — Susan. Yep, a bully.
9:31: “It’s like a meeting of the I Hate Susan Club.” — Susan, about Moose and Krazy Katherine. How do you sign up? Are there dues?
9:38: Uh oh. Angie’s catching on to Bree’s recipe-pilfery.
9:39: Lynette told Tom. This puts me at ease for some reason. I love Tom.
9:39: “We watched you grow up. You’re like a daughter to us. We can’t stand by and watch you do nothing.” — Tom. Case in point.
9:41: Gaby scrubbing someone else’s floor … in white pants … now THAT’S something I never thought I’d see.
9:45: There’s my answer. They’re still on the divorce track.
9:46: “Do you hear that? I think Celia fell down.” Ooohhh, right, the other OTHER kid.
9:48: That was some baaaaaaaaaad fake crying, Eva.
9:48: Yes! Bree looking scrubby, rough and unkempt as she’s coming to grovel to Angie.
9:49: Wow..WOW. I am in LOVE with this bonding scene with Bree and Angie.
9:50: “There we are. You think I’m vulgar — I’m sorry, ‘candid’, and I think you’re a tight ass.” — Angie. I just fell in love with her.
9:53: Ah, there it is. Susan’s going to get arrested for not reporting an accidental shooting?
9:53: …CAN you get arrested for that?
9:58: Tom and Lynette reporting the Nick and Julie’s affair…
9:59: “Why were they asking about me?” — Nick. “I guess because you were having an affair with her?” — Angie, nonchalantly.
10:00: And then the punch to the face. And THAT’S how we do it in Noo Yawk, fools.
10:00: Susan reading “Crime and Punishment” in jail. What?

Post from: TheGloss

Happppppy day-after Halloween, DH fans!!! (Not)Neighbor Peggy is behind on grading papers, so she chose the well-being of today’s childrens instead of backstabbing wives/husbands/ex-wives/ex-gardeners.
But that’s OK because Erin’s over here, and she’s got organic key-lime yogurt and is ready to watch.
Wanna watch with me? Catch me on Twitter here!!

9:02: Bree talks about her affair like she’s making a souffle.
9:02: I’ve got a funny feeling Karl’s story about “Irene” isn’t about his grandmother…..
9:03: Karl tells Bree he loves her. Erin says “Boooo.”
9:04: Oh, whattup haaaair, Gaby! Pretty and a half. OK, pretty and three quarters.
9:06: Is it bad that I’m extremely proud of Juanita for swearing?
9:07: Also, I like how they freeze-framed it, all “A Christmas Story”-style.
9:07: I knew the brooch thing was too good to be true.
9:08: Um, who’s the pretty boy with Tom?
9:09: T. Scav. Lynette’s hair. Drunk college boys. Best. Scene. EVvvvvvvverrr.
9:11: “What is this, Shaw Shank Elementary?” — Gaby, to Mrs. Peterson.
9:13: “….and the HORSE you rode in on!” — Gaby. Swearing. At the principal. I approve. Wholeheartedly.
9:14: “Don’t shoot, it’s just me!” — Katherine. Too soon?

9:15: “I’m sure you noticed that my behavior has gotten craazzee!” — Katherine. Self-awareness is the first step to recovery, right?
9:15: …………….too bad I DON’T WANT YOU TO RECOVER, KATHERINE!!
9:16: Oh, good. Susan rejected Katherine’s request to go to barbecues together. She’s single-handedly keeping Krazy Katherine crazy.
9:17: “Let’s give brunch a shot. Sorry, that was just a bad choice of words.” — Susan.
9:18: Libido. Fornicating. Morally bankrupt weasel. Bree wins at….you know….talking, and stuff.
9:18: Karl on one knee? Is this for real? Are we buying this? As I type, Erin answers: “Shuuuuut up.”
9:19: Karl shushing Bree is a good foreshadow into how delightful their marriage is going to be.
9:20: Oh, Angie’s mom is involved? Or that’s really not her mom…it’s her and Danny?
9:21: Erin’s upset that Katherine booped Angie’s nose. “They can’t do that, that’s ‘Superbad’s’!”
9:22: I love how we’re getting around this whole can’t-swear-on-network-tv thing. Blankety blank blank. “Fine with me, I blanked off earlier.”
9:28: Did Susan just inadvertently convince Bree to marry Karl?
9:29: Gaby seriously just told Lynette she was getting a little “rounder”….?? Who has friends like THAT?
9:29: “This is L. Scav, may I help you?”
9:30: Lynette at a college party. This is entire thing is making me cringe.
9:30: Also, is one named Neidemayer? As in…Animal House? Nice Easter egg, ABC!
9:30: “I hate them.” — Erin, to the frat boys.
9:33: Katherine’s attempts at Mike are just so hilarious at this point, right? We trust Mike, right?
9:35: Erin and I are both upset that we didn’t see the fall in the tub coming. We should’ve.
9:35: I’m kinda loving Susan in this episode……
9:40: I hate to condone the cheating, but I kinda support Tom on this one….
9:40: “Support” is the wrong word. More like “I don’t blame him”.
9:42: Would we expect anything less than brattiness from a Solis child?
9:47: Bree’s not saying yes. Or no. “What’s the point if I already have a husband I can’t shake?”
9:48: Susan couldn’t control Karl. Edie tried, and failed. Bree’s the one.
9:50: Ah, so…mom isn’t dead? Definitely witness protection…
9:51: Katherine’s trying to rope Angie in to her side.
9:58: Why is Angie wearing a bumble-bee bracelet with a pink floral tunic??
9:59: Angie’s trying to protect herself by throwing suspicion on Katherine?
9:59: This show keeps getting better and better at encompassing the themes/motifs in each episode.
10:01: Eh. Kind of a crappy cliffhanger. We’re done with Orson anyway, right?

Post from: TheGloss

This season continues to get better and better. The stories all are interesting, and even though I don’t have a super great amount of love for the Bolens year (no one seems to fit..Angie doesn’t have the right chemistry to fit with the rest of the ladies, I don’t buy the Danny/Dominic + Julie affair, and poor Nick, he’s — well, he’s just in the wrong show. More bloodsucking, less desperation).

Peggy, the not-neighbor friend watched the show with me, and you can follow along next Sunday on Twitter @DesperateBlog (or here!!!)

On with the DHness!!

9:59: Is it bad that the hair on my arm raises when I hear “Welcome home, ______ family!” ?? Because it means it’s DH time!!!
10:00: The “previously on” has shown everything I want to see in this episode!!
10:01: Whoooooa, Gaby. That shirt is SO CUTE. I want it!
10:03: “Honey, do that thing where you run into a wall.” – Gaby. She’s such a good mother.
10:04: This is QUITE the welcome party Julie’s getting for not being dead. Mike didn’t get any such party.
10:04: …he just got Edie.
10:05: Dirty look for Dominic?
10:05: It’s weird to see Angie in the group, isn’t it?
10:06: Mike doesn’t want Susan to pour gasoline on the fire that is Krazy Katherine. I totally disagree.
10:08: “If I ever see you two together, I’m going to tell mom.” — Vampire Nick. Danny …..smiles…..?
10:09: Angie is NOT the type to be oblivious to her husband’s crap, hey?
10:10: “Getting the picture isn’t the problem, it’s getting rid of it.” — Lynette, about Roy’s old downtheres.

10:11: Uh oh, maid at the Hotel L’Affair is gettin’ all judgy on Bree.
10:15: “Now just shut up and fork over some cash.” — Gaby
10:19: Wait a minute: Is Bree getting advice from her HUSBAND about how to deal with the judgy maid at Hotel L’Affair?
10:24: “I don’t have any weed, lady.” — Jamaican maid
10:25: Why are we caring so much about what the Jamaican maid thinks about us, Bree? Jamaid! Ha!
10:26: “Owned. Bree got owned by the Jamaid.” — (Not)Neighbor Peggy
10:27: Did Roy just tell Lynette she needed a bell?
10:29: “She looks really well-rested for someone who hasn’t been able to sleep.” – Peggy
10:31: As ridiculous as Susan smooch-for-the-world fest was, I like that Mike accepts her for who she is.
10:32: “My laundry is clean, folded and put away, you loon.” – Susan. You should’ve heard the extremely loud “HA!” I just made. Loud. The girl who works at the winery heard it next door, no doubt.
10:32: “He’s snaking a ladies drain, OK??” OOooooooooohh, I get it, now, Susan.
10:37: Let’s take a guess what’s going to happen at this party…some child-related injury?
10:39: Jamaid’s pretty wise.
10:40: Our responses when we saw Bree’s cleavage in the mirror: “Ewww,” — me. “Whoaaaa,” — Not(Neighbor) Peggy
10:41: Peggy keeps saying that Bree’s not interested in keeping Orson. Is this true? I’m still confused about their relationship.
10:42: Gaby and Susan drinking margaritas …. while the monkey kills the clown?
10:48: Is this when Tom looks to Roy to help him be less easily whipped?
10:48: Aw, no. Instead, he’s supporting his wife. Again. Seriously, Tom, where do you grow?
10:49: “You’re a good man, Scavo.” — Roy. You’re not wrong, sir, you’re not wrong.
10:49: Carlos and Gaby showing love? I miss that!
10:51: Oh, hey, Susan. What’s up? You’re….not wearin’ much, are you?
10:51: Susan…shot Katherine. YES.
10:57 Nothing says “emasculate me” like, hey, baby, will you unload this gun?
10:59: Speaking of bad moves, Angie…using Katherine to manipulate? She might be krazier than any situation the Bolens are hiding from….
10:02: The “next time on” TOOOOOLD me it was going to be surprising, but it didn’t SHOW me. Where are the English teachers screaming “SHOW, don’t tell!”??

That’s aalllll, DH kids! Any ideas for winners? Losers? No? How about the newly branded Linner/Woser category?

Post from: TheGloss

We’re in love with this season. It’s just so, so good. It’s like Season 1 all over again. Let me know your picks for winners and losers, and check back later to see who made that list!!

So why am I wasting all this time babbling? Go go go!

(Next week, follow me here here here and here!)

8:58: Goooooood evening Desperate Housewives fans!! How are we doing tonight?
9:01: Yes! Bree’s been usurped by Katherine’s craziness.
9:02: ….but she’s obviously still in love…..with Mike?
9:02: “And then he’ll dump Susan and beg ME to take him back,” — Katherine.
9:03: Bree’s ditching the Krazy for her “real” lover!
9:04: Oh, we’re seeing some love between Angie and Nick. That’s a first?
9:05: ….and Danny wants to quit school (to practice his vampirey?)
9:05: Danny gets “sloppy” when he gets unhappy? What does THAT mean?
9:05: Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaang boobs.
9:06: “The Supremes are back.” — Tom
9:07: Ha! Bennie and the Jets are excited about the Supremes. Buh-buh-buh-Bennie and the Jets.
9:08: I just saw John walk Ana up to the door and started chanting “ohmigawdohmigawdohmigawd.”
9:08: ANDREW’S BACK!!! Oh, how I’ve missed you.

9:10: Susan’s learning that OTHER people know more about her daughter than she does.
9:11: Julie’s sleeping with a married man? ….Nick??
9:14: Gaby’s FULL OF THE BEST LINES IN THE WORLD. “That’s not where the lock is going,” to Ana, presumably about her chastity belt.
9:15: (Not) Neighbor Peggy and I are arguing about Angie Bolen’s high-waisted pants in this scene. I think she looks fantastic. Peggy does NOT.
9:16: Tom and Porter both look like they’ve lost weight. Am I crazy, or, as Peggy said, “Maybe you got a wider TV without noticing?”
9:17: Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaang boobs.
9:18: Carlos looks skinnier, too. Odd that Lynette’s the only one who DOESN’T look narrower to me? Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaang boobs!
9:19: Also, Carlos is a PIG.
9:23: Susan learned that Julie was dating someone she referred to by “D”. D….D…..Who’s D?
9:24: Question: Is it better for Susan to be so out of Julie’s life she doesn’t know her, or like she was when she was 13 and they were bffs?
9:25: Ah, so convenient that Julie doesn’t remember anything. Funny how that verrrry thing happened to Mike…
9:28: Bree …. has phone sex? What happened the NRA woman who wouldn’t let, um, certain things happen in the bedroom?
9:29: “I’m not sick,” — Krazy Katherine. “Yes, you are.” — Bree
9:30: So let me get this straight: Carlos is discriminating against pregnant women. And pimping out Lynette’s boobs. “Buy yourself a new dress.”
9:32: John using Ana to manipulate Gaby? Aaammazing!
9:32: And…that’s that. John kissing Gaby?? I couldn’t be happier about this. Carlos, quite frankly, deserves this!
9:39: Do we believe that Gaby doesn’t have feelings for John anymore?
9:39: Hmm…an explosion caused those scars, hey?
9:44: Carlos is pressuring Lynette to show her Supremes to get business…I …do…not….like…this…..
9:45: Peggy: “Awesome college party with skeevy dad scamming on teenagers.”
9:45: Danny knows what about his father? What does Danny know?? What does he know?????
9:46: “My name is Tom Scavo and I like big breasts.”
9:48: So…what I’m getting out of this little chat between Tom and Lynette is that…small boobs are a flaw??
9:49: We’re back to 2004. Lynette’s fighting for dignity at her job. Carlos is a pig and comes home late.
9:49: ….and Gaby’s happy. No John Rowland affair? Is that it? Please, DH gods, may that not be it!
9:54: Well, it looks like Katherine’s got SOME grip on reality.
9:55: …or not? [ Amy squeezes her eyes shut and prays for a cake mess ]
9:57: We’ve got three minutes. Three minutes! I need to know who the married man is, Julie! Talk faster!
9:58: Dye your hair? Is that….what you call a mistake, Susan?
9:58: Also, I’m faaaaaairly certain that Susan’s done worse than date a married man.
9:59: Katherine, in a scary demon voice: “YOU are NOT my friend.” Then she turns to the priest and says, “Your mother’s in here with us…..” And then throws up pea soup on Bree’s pretty dress.
10:00: A nervous breakdown, Mary Alice? Is being psychotically obsessed with your ex and ruining someone’s wedding cake anything less than crazy??
10:01: Dominic! Yes! D! So that’s the fight we saw between Danny and Julie, probably?

Post from: TheGloss